King Charles Grants King Marbles a Royal Warrant After Confessing He Plays With His Own Every Day

Palace Officials Clarify That His Majesty Is Talking About His Collection of Glass Marbles

By Quentin Thrustbucket, Chief Royal Marble Correspondent

BUCKINGHAM PALACE — King Marbles has received what may be the most prestigious recognition in its history after King Charles III announced that the company is to receive a Royal Warrant of Appointment.

The reason, according to The Daily Scrotum’s palace sources, is remarkably simple.

The King apparently plays with his own marbles all the time.

There was an uncomfortable silence when the announcement was first read aloud.

A Buckingham Palace spokesman immediately stepped forward.

“His Majesty means glass marbles.”

“Colourful glass marbles.”

“King Marbles.”

“Perhaps we should have worded that differently.”

THE ROYAL COLLECTION

According to our story, Charles has secretly accumulated an enormous collection of King Marbles products at Buckingham Palace.

Every evening, once the official engagements are finished, the ceremonial paperwork has been signed and the last visiting dignitary has departed, Charles reportedly loosens his tie, gets down on the carpet and announces:

“Right. Who fancies a game of marbles?”

Camilla apparently knows exactly what happens next.

Furniture is moved.

A marble ring is marked out.

And several members of the Royal Household suddenly discover urgent duties elsewhere.

Charles reportedly has favourites.

He is particularly protective of one enormous marble known around the Palace as:

THE KING’S BONKA BONKA

Nobody is allowed to touch it.

Not William.

Not Harry.

Not the Prime Minister.

And definitely not the corgis.

PALACE CORRIDORS BECOME RACING TRACKS

The King’s enthusiasm has apparently gone considerably beyond traditional marble games.

Buckingham Palace’s exceptionally long corridors have become ideal venues for King Marbles Racing.

One course reportedly begins outside the State Dining Room, passes the Grand Staircase, takes a dangerous right turn near a priceless vase and finishes underneath a cabinet containing several centuries of royal silver.

Palace staff have named it:

THE BUCKINGHAM 500

Charles currently holds the course record.

There are allegations that he has an unfair advantage because he knows which sections of floor slope slightly downhill.

The King denies everything.

“Home advantage.”

THE ROYAL WARRANT MEETING

The decision to grant the warrant reportedly came during an important palace meeting.

An official asked:

“Your Majesty, are you satisfied with King Marbles?”

Charles looked astonished.

“Satisfied?”

He reached into his jacket pocket.

Three marbles rolled across the table.

One disappeared underneath a chair.

Charles immediately got down to retrieve it.

“Nobody move!”

The meeting was suspended for eleven minutes.

When proceedings resumed, the warrant was apparently approved unanimously.

Mainly because everyone wanted lunch.

A NEW ROYAL PROTOCOL

The Royal Household has now supposedly introduced strict marble regulations.

All King Marbles entering Buckingham Palace must undergo security inspection.

Every bag is counted.

Particularly valuable specimens are escorted by two guards.

And anyone finding a loose marble on Palace property must immediately report it to:

THE MASTER OF THE KING’S MARBLES

The newly created position reportedly comes with an office, uniform and one extremely important responsibility:

Making sure His Majesty doesn’t lose any.

The title caused another difficult moment during the first staff briefing.

A Palace official announced:

“The Master of the King’s Marbles will accompany His Majesty everywhere.”

There was silence.

Again, clarification was required.

ROYAL MARBLES GO INTERNATIONAL

Charles has now allegedly suggested introducing marble games at state visits.

Instead of exchanging conventional diplomatic gifts, visiting presidents and prime ministers would receive a presentation box of King Marbles.

Disputes between countries could then be settled with a best-of-five marble tournament.

The Foreign Office is reportedly enthusiastic.

One diplomat explained:

“Frankly, it couldn’t possibly be any more complicated than the system we’ve already got.”

Trump has supposedly already requested the largest marble.

The French want a rematch.

And the Germans have asked for the complete technical specifications before agreeing to play.

KING MARBLES GETS THE ROYAL TREATMENT

The warrant would allow King Marbles to proudly announce:

KING MARBLES®

BY APPOINTMENT TO HIS MAJESTY THE KING

SUPPLIERS OF MARBLES AND SERIOUS ROYAL ENTERTAINMENT

Charles reportedly insisted on one additional sentence:

“They’re not just for children.”

He then challenged two footmen to a game.

At the time of publication, Palace officials were searching Buckingham Palace for one missing blue marble called Blue Pumpkins.

It was last seen travelling at considerable speed towards the Throne Room.

Charles has ordered everyone to keep looking.

After all…

A King can lose many things.

But he should never lose his marbles.

👑 Discover King Marbles®: Visit King Marbles