It was a historic and utterly bizarre moment in world politics.
Kim Jong Un and Vladimir Putin—two of the world’s most infamous leaders—sat across from Melania Trump in the luxurious gold-plated lounge of Mar-a-Lago. The reason for their visit?
Timeshares.
Yes, both men had decided to invest in backup vacation homes at Trump’s exclusive resort, each purchasing two units in what they called a “strategic retreat plan.”
Melania, dressed in a perfectly tailored white pantsuit, nodded politely, her expression unreadable as she reviewed the contract paperwork.
“So… you both want two units?” she asked in her signature accent, which no one had ever truly placed on a map.
Putin leaned forward, adjusting his designer leather jacket—the one he wore when he wanted to look tough but also diplomatic.
“Da,” he said. “Is good plan. Mar-a-Lago is… how you say… ‘safe space’ for us.”
Kim, meanwhile, enthusiastically nodded, adjusting his oversized sunglasses.
“Yes, very good,” he added in broken English. “American food… chefs here… they cook best McDonald’s cheeseburger. Like Supreme Leader favorite!”
Melania barely blinked.
“Of course,” she said, flipping the pages of the contract. “But you do understand that timeshares require scheduled visits?”
Putin smirked, flashing his KGB-era charm.
“We schedule. We come when not… how you say… ‘in trouble.’”
Kim clapped his hands.
“Yes, good! Also, pool is big, yes? I want to do swimming, like in ‘Baywatch.’”
Melania sighed, knowing Donald was going to love this deal—if he could actually understand what was happening.
The English Dilemma
The real problem arose when Kim and Putin vowed to learn English—but only if Donald Trump himself taught them.
It was a bold request and an absolute disaster waiting to happen.
Aides rushed to inform Trump, who was busy writing a new “truth” on social media about how he was the best golfer in the world (despite no evidence to support this claim).
“Sir, we have a situation,” one aide began, nervously adjusting his tie.
Trump looked up, adjusting his signature comb-over.
“If it’s about Sleepy Joe again, I swear, the man doesn’t even know he’s president! Fake news!”
“No, sir,” the aide said carefully. “Putin and Kim want to buy timeshares at Mar-a-Lago. But they say they’ll only do it if you personally teach them English.”
Trump’s mouth fell open for a moment.
“Me? Teaching English? They must be kidding. I speak better English than anyone! Better than the dictionary! Some people say it should be called Trumpish!“
The room fell silent.
One advisor muttered under his breath, “Dear God.”
After a long pause, Trump grinned.
“Fine. I’ll do it. But they have to call me Professor Trump. I’ll make English GREAT AGAIN!”
Trump’s First English Lesson
The next day, Trump met his two eager students in Mar-a-Lago’s grand ballroom, where an entire buffet of McDonald’s burgers, Diet Coke, and imported vodka awaited them.
Putin and Kim sat at their desks, notebooks open, staring at their self-proclaimed professor.
Trump paced the room, dramatically adjusting his tie, before turning to the whiteboard where he had written:
“ENGLISH, THE TRUMP WAY!”
“Alright, fellas. First thing you gotta know… is how to speak with confidence. Even when you don’t know what you’re talking about!”
Putin and Kim nodded seriously, taking notes.
“The first rule of English? Use big words. Even if they don’t make sense. Like ‘tremendous’ and ‘fantastic.’ Say them loud enough, and people think you know what you’re doing!”
Kim raised his hand.
“Supreme Leader like. But… what is covfefe? I read on Twitter once.”
Trump paused, looking genuinely stumped.
“Look, nobody really knows. Some say it’s a secret code. Others say it’s a… uh… very powerful American word. The point is, you say covfefe, and people respect you. Use it wisely.”
Putin nodded slowly, writing “Covfefe = Secret Power Word” in his notebook.
Trump continued:
“Second rule? When in doubt, just say ‘Fake News.’ If someone asks you a hard question, just yell Fake News and move on!”
Kim and Putin practiced together:
“Mr. Putin, did you invade Ukraine?”
“FAKE NEWS!”
“Mr. Kim, are you hiding nukes?”
“FAKE NEWS!”
Trump beamed with pride.
“You guys are naturals!”
Final Exam: Ordering at McDonald’s
To test their English skills, Trump took them to the Mar-a-Lago McDonald’s kiosk to order food without a translator.
Kim stepped up first, carefully reciting:
“Hello, greatest McDonald’s worker. I want very tremendous cheeseburger. Make it covfefe-sized. Also, fake news if fries too small!”
Trump clapped like a proud father.
“Amazing. Simply amazing.”
Putin was next, adjusting his posture.
“I am wanting… most fantastic Big Mac. It must be huge, like American democracy. Also… make sure no sanctions on my order.”
Trump was in tears.
“Boys, I think you’re ready for America!”
The McDonald’s employee, however, just stared in sheer confusion.
“Sir, do you just want two cheeseburgers and a Big Mac?”
Putin and Kim nodded.
“Da.”
“Yes.”
Conclusion: The Future of Mar-a-Lago
With the timeshare deal signed, Putin and Kim officially became part-time Mar-a-Lago residents, enjoying their personal chef-prepared meals and weekly English lessons with Professor Trump.
Trump, meanwhile, continued his own journey of self-improvement—attempting to learn real English, but failing spectacularly.
“Folks, I’m the best English teacher in history. Some people say I invented English. They say, ‘Sir, you should rewrite the dictionary!'”
And so, in the most unbelievable real estate deal in history, Mar-a-Lago became the world’s strangest diplomatic retreat, filled with:
?ﾸﾏ♂️ Golf games with dictators
? Secret McDonald’s meetings
? Endless lessons in Fake News English
And, of course, the ongoing question:
“What the hell does covfefe even mean?”
