Donald Trump sat in his Mar-a-Lago office, scrolling through a list of countries he hadn’t yet attempted to influence. His eyes stopped at one word: Bangkok.

“Bang. Kok,” he mumbled, a smirk forming on his face. He turned to his most loyal advisor, Rudy Giuliani, who was halfway through a glass of scotch.

“Rudy, have you seen this? Bangkok! It’s like… a very personal place. If I owned Thailand, I’d be the King of Bangkok. That would be huuuuge.”

Giuliani nodded, either agreeing or too intoxicated to argue. Trump continued, “Imagine the parties, Rudy! The best parties. Better than Epstein’s, believe me. We take over, make it Trumpland, and invite the greatest people. Melania might hate it, but honestly, she already hates everything I do.”

Determined, Trump called his financial team. “Guys, how much to buy Thailand?”

There was silence. Then his financial advisor hesitated, “Sir, you… you can’t just buy a country.”

Trump scoffed. “That’s what they said about Greenland, and look how close we got! So close! But Thailand… it’s got Bangkok, Phuket—sounds like ‘F*** it’—I mean, it’s destiny! My name would be everywhere!”

Operation “Big Bangkok”

Trump quickly assembled his most trusted strategists: Giuliani, Mike Lindell (the MyPillow guy), and a mysterious Florida businessman known only as “Ronny the Deal.”

“We’re gonna do this the smart way,” Trump declared. “First, we need to convince the Thai people they want me. And what do they love? Elephants! I love elephants, great animals, amazing memory, unlike sleepy Joe.”

Ronny the Deal suggested sending gold-plated elephant statues across Thailand with “Trump Kong” engraved on them. The people would love it.

Then Lindell chimed in, “Sir, what if we promise free pillows to every Thai citizen who votes for you?”

Trump nodded. “Perfect! Thailand will be the most comfortable place on Earth. We call it: Operation Big Bangkok!“

Meeting the Thai Government

Trump flew to Bangkok on Trump Force One, arriving in golden robes, carrying a Big Mac as an offering.

The Prime Minister welcomed him with a formal bow. Trump responded with an awkward thumbs-up.

“So listen,” Trump said, leaning in, “you guys have a great thing going on. Bangkok? Love it. Tremendous name. But it’s missing one thing: ME.“

The Prime Minister blinked. “I… don’t understand.”

“Of course, you don’t! That’s why I’m here,” Trump continued. “What if we rebrand Thailand? Make it Trumpland. Huge hotels, amazing golf courses, maybe a golden wall—totally classy. We’ll even rename Bangkok to something even better. Maybe… Big Trump Tower City!”

The Thai officials sat in stunned silence. Trump mistook this for excitement.

“Look, I’ll make you a deal. You let me run Thailand for, let’s say, 99 years, and in return, I promise to make this place the new Mar-a-Lago Asia. We’ll have the greatest parties, Rudy will DJ, and every weekend we’ll have ‘Trump’s Bangkok Bonanza’—live concerts, bikini contests, maybe even a new casino!”

One Thai official leaned over to whisper to the Prime Minister, “Is he joking?”

The Prime Minister sighed. “I think he thinks he’s serious.”

The Great Thai Rejection

After three hours of rambling about how he would turn Thailand into the “Las Vegas of Asia,” the Thai government politely declined.

Trump stormed out, furious. “This is worse than when Scotland refused my golf course expansion! Bangkok will regret this. They just lost the best deal in history!”

On the flight home, he fumed. “Fine. If I can’t buy Thailand, I’ll do the next best thing: build my own Bangkok in Florida!“

Giuliani nodded. “Great idea, boss.”

And thus, the failed mission ended with Trump breaking ground in Palm Beach for his newest venture: Trump Bang-King Resort.

Tagline: “The Biggest, Best, and Most Luxurious Bangkok—In America!”