It started as a routine press conference—another rambling, unscripted rant from Donald Trump in which he attacked the media, insulted world leaders, and insisted that America was doing better than ever under his leadership (despite clear evidence to the contrary).
But then, he made an announcement that shocked the nation.
“Starting this Friday, all women in Florida who refuse to wear a MAGA hat will be rounded up and sent straight to Guatemala Bay. No questions, no excuses, believe me!”
The room fell silent. Did he mean Guantanamo Bay?
Surely, he misspoke.
But as reporters tried to clarify, Trump doubled down.
“We have a very powerful, very tremendous detention center there in Guatemala Bay. And folks, let me tell you, these women, these radical feminists, these hat-haters—they’re very nasty, very disrespectful, and quite frankly, unpatriotic. If they don’t love this country enough to wear the hat, they can enjoy Guatemala!”
The world had never seen a more absurd executive order.
The Immediate Fallout
Within minutes, social media exploded.
- #GuatemalaBay was trending worldwide.
- Scholars debated whether Trump genuinely didn’t know the difference between Guantanamo Bay (a U.S. military prison in Cuba) and Guatemala (an entirely separate country).
- Guatemala’s government released a statement saying, “We do not have a place called Guatemala Bay. We are not taking your unwanted people. Please stop.”
Meanwhile, in Florida, panic and confusion spread.
Women across the state faced a bizarre dilemma: comply with the ridiculous new rule or risk deportation to a country that wasn’t expecting them.
Trump supporters rushed to buy MAGA hats, triggering a supply shortage, while Trump’s critics organized mass hat-burning protests outside government buildings.
Even Florida’s Governor—once a loyal Trump ally—tried to intervene. “Mr. President, I think there’s been a misunderstanding—”
“No misunderstanding! We’re doing a round-up, and we’re sending them to Guatemala Bay, and it’s gonna be tremendous. Everyone says so.”
“But sir, there is no—”
“WRONG! FAKE NEWS! We have the best Guatemala Bay, folks. Maybe the best bay in the world. You wouldn’t believe how big it is. Huge.”
At this point, the U.S. military was unsure what to do. Officials at Guantanamo Bay were baffled, waiting for an order that made sense. Meanwhile, border agents were stuck debating whether or not they had the legal authority to “deport” U.S. citizens to Guatemala—a nation that had officially rejected Trump’s demands.
The Resistance Grows
As Friday approached, resistance efforts intensified.
- Thousands of Florida women flooded the streets in pink anti-MAGA hats, daring Trump to make his move.
- Lawyers scrambled to file lawsuits, arguing that Trump’s order was both unconstitutional and geographically impossible.
- Late-night comedians had a field day, with one noting, “At this point, Trump thinks Guatemala Bay is located somewhere between Narnia and Mordor.”
Even world leaders weighed in.
Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau:
“We stand in solidarity with American women. Also, we’d like to gently remind the U.S. government that Guatemala is not Cuba. Geography matters.”
The European Union:
“We urge the United States to reconsider this… decision. Also, please buy a map.”
Vladimir Putin:
“I would help Trump, but it’s funnier to watch this play out.”
The Great Friday Standoff
On the fateful Friday morning, Florida law enforcement refused to comply.
The streets were filled with women wearing anything but MAGA hats—cowboy hats, sun hats, even hats labeled “Guatemala Bay or Bust.”
Trump, watching from his Mar-a-Lago bunker, was furious.
“I gave an order! Why isn’t this happening? Where are my generals?”
His Chief of Staff tried one last time:
“Sir, we… we literally can’t do this.”
In a rage, Trump took to Truth Social:
“TOTAL DISRESPECT! The women of FLORIDA are OUT OF CONTROL! WE WILL SEND THEM TO GUATEMALA BAY, BELIEVE ME!! SAD!”
Unfortunately, the message was immediately fact-checked, and within minutes, Trump’s own supporters started Googling if Guatemala Bay existed.
By the end of the day, the fiasco was over. The “round-up” never happened. Trump’s approval rating collapsed even further. And Guatemala’s president released a final exasperated statement:
“We are once again asking the United States to STOP TRYING TO SEND PEOPLE TO OUR COUNTRY. Also, buy an atlas.”
The Aftermath
The Guatemala Bay incident became one of the most infamous blunders in U.S. history.
- Dictionaries added “Guatemala Bay” as a synonym for “total political failure.”
- Schools used the event to teach geography, with the phrase “Don’t Pull a Trump” meaning “check your map before making decisions.”
- MAGA hat sales plummeted, as even Trump’s supporters were too embarrassed to wear them.
Meanwhile, Trump insisted he was right all along.
“Look, folks, you’ll see one day, Guatemala Bay exists, OK? It’s real. It’s a very real place. And you know who knows? The smart people. The people who know.”
To this day, no one—not even Trump—knows what he was actually talking about.
