Melania Trump to Sell Timeshares at Mar-a-Lago—Without Telling Donald
Palm Beach, Florida – Melania Trump has reportedly launched a secret real estate venture at Mar-a-Lago, selling timeshare properties while her husband, Donald Trump, is preoccupied in Washington, D.C. The former First Lady sees this as a “business opportunity” and a “long-term exit strategy”—but has decided not to inform her husband, fearing that he will panic over timeshare guests accidentally stumbling upon his stash of secret government documents.
The Secret Business Plan
Sources close to Melania confirm that she has already started listing luxury suites at Mar-a-Lago on Airbnb, hoping to lure in wealthy vacationers looking for a presidential getaway.
“Donald thinks Airbnb is some kind of hotel in space, so he won’t suspect a thing,” she reportedly told Eric Trump, the only family member she trusts to keep the secret (for a price).
To ensure complete secrecy, Melania has promised Eric a 50% cut of the earnings, as long as he never mentions it to his father. Given Eric’s track record of spilling secrets faster than a leaky faucet, Melania has implemented a strict “no talking” policy, reportedly telling him:
“Eric, you keep your mouth shut, and I keep the cash flowing. If you say anything, you’ll be back to managing golf courses by next week.”
Eric, desperate to prove himself useful, has agreed—though he has already accidentally told at least three waiters and a Mar-a-Lago valet.
Luxury Accommodations With Unexpected Perks
The timeshare program, marketed as “Live Like a President – Without the Jail Time”, offers vacationers a one-week stay at Mar-a-Lago, including:
- Access to the private pool and golf course (except during Trump’s frequent “important meetings” in his bathrobe).
- The “Presidential Suite Experience”—where guests can accidentally discover boxes of classified documents hidden behind the minibar.
- A free “Trump-Approved” steak dinner (featuring well-done steaks drenched in ketchup).
- Exclusive access to the “Fake News Bar”, where Fox News plays on a loop and all CNN broadcasts are mysteriously blocked.
The Big Risk: Timeshare Owners vs. Top-Secret Documents
The biggest problem? Trump has been known to leave confidential documents lying around Mar-a-Lago like old pizza boxes.
Melania knows that if her husband finds out, he will freak out over “random nobodies” having access to the same rooms where he stores:
✔ Nuclear codes written on napkins
✔ Letters from Kim Jong Un, laminated for posterity
✔ A framed photo of himself shaking hands with himself
✔ A binder labeled “The Best Coup Plans – DO NOT OPEN”
How Long Until Trump Finds Out?
Despite Melania’s efforts to keep the operation under wraps, problems are already piling up:
- Airbnb guests keep writing suspicious reviews. One guest posted:
“Great location, but very weird experience. Found a folder labeled ‘Top Secret—Do Not Sell to China’ under my bed. Would stay again.” - A group of tourists from Wisconsin accidentally walked in on Trump’s personal office while looking for the ice machine.
- Don Jr. is furious that he wasn’t cut in on the deal and has been dropping hints to his dad, hoping to get a share of the profits.
The Final Showdown
With word spreading quickly, it’s only a matter of time before Trump discovers that his beloved Mar-a-Lago has turned into a glorified bed-and-breakfast.
Insiders predict the moment will come when Trump, expecting a private dinner in the ballroom, finds a family from Ohio eating microwave lasagna in his favorite chair.
Will Melania be able to cover her tracks, or will Trump blow a gasket when he realizes he’s living in an unofficial Trump Hotel without collecting the profits?
One thing is certain—Airbnb has never seen a listing quite like this before.
