Every tourist arriving in Wales will receive a free döner kebab.

ENGLAND TO TAX TOURISTS — WALES TO GIVE THEM A FREE DÖNER KEBAB
English mayors prepare overnight visitor levy as Wales launches rival tourism strategy: “Come for the scenery, stay for the garlic sauce”

By Phil McCavity — Chief Tourism & Late-Night Kebab Correspondent

CARDIFF — Wales has announced it will not follow England’s proposed approach to tourist levies, instead unveiling a radically different plan designed to attract millions of visitors across the border.

Every tourist arriving in Wales will receive a free döner kebab.

The policy, provisionally known as “Visit Wales — Have Some Meat”, was announced after reports that mayors in England are to be given powers to introduce an overnight levy on visitors.

Welsh officials immediately spotted an opportunity.

“England wants to charge tourists for sleeping,” said one government source.

“We’re going to feed them.”

WELCOME TO WALES — LARGE OR SMALL?

Under the proposals, visitors crossing into Wales will be greeted at specially constructed National Kebab Points.

Tourists will simply show proof that they don’t live in Wales and choose from:

Döner Meat & Chips
Döner in Pitta
Döner Wrap

Salad will be available, although officials admit uptake is expected to be “statistically insignificant.”

Visitors will then face the traditional Welsh immigration question:

“Garlic, chilli or both?”

Anyone answering “both” will automatically qualify for indefinite leave to remain.

ENGLISH MAYORS FURIOUS

Mayors across England are reportedly concerned that the scheme could devastate tourism.

One council has calculated that a family of four staying overnight in England could face a visitor levy, while the same family crossing into Wales would receive four kebabs worth considerably more than the tax.

“This completely changes the economics of British tourism,” said one analyst.

“Why would anybody pay £10 to sleep in Manchester when they can drive to Newport and be handed £28 worth of rotating meat?”

CARDIFF AIRPORT PREPARES FOR KEBAB BOOM

Cardiff Airport is reportedly preparing a special baggage carousel exclusively for onions.

Arriving passengers will be welcomed by a huge illuminated sign:

CROESO I GYMRU
YOUR KEBAB IS WAITING

Tourism officials predict enormous growth from Germany after discovering that Germans already understand kebabs.

Flights from Istanbul could prove more difficult.

“We’re slightly nervous about giving Turkish visitors one of our döner kebabs,” admitted an official.

“They may start asking questions.”

TOURISM INDUSTRY RESPONDS

Welsh hotels have welcomed the announcement.

One Cardiff hotel has already changed its advertising slogan from:

“Bed & Breakfast Included”

to:

“Bed, Breakfast & Questionable Meat at 1:30am Included.”

Meanwhile, a luxury hotel in Snowdonia is reportedly offering a premium package featuring champagne, mountain views and a kebab served on an actual plate.

Prices start at £475 per night.

Fork: £12 extra.

SCOTLAND DEMANDS SOMETHING

The announcement has triggered an immediate response north of the border.

Scottish tourism officials are believed to be considering giving every visitor a free deep-fried object.

The exact object has yet to be decided.

“We’ll fry whatever they bring,” said a source.

BORDER CRISIS EXPECTED

Transport officials are now preparing for enormous queues on the M4 as English families repeatedly cross the Severn in an attempt to obtain additional kebabs.

The government insists safeguards will be introduced.

Number-plate recognition cameras will prevent people driving:

England → Wales → Free Kebab → England → Turn Around → Wales → Another Free Kebab.

However, Welsh entrepreneurs have already launched minibus excursions called:

THE GREAT WELSH KEBAB LOOP

Tickets cost £14.99.

Includes six border crossings.

TOURISTS DELIGHTED

American visitor Chuck Henderson from Texas said he had originally planned to spend two weeks touring England.

“Then somebody told me England wants money and Wales gives me meat.”

He immediately changed his itinerary.

“I don’t know anything about Wales,” he admitted.

“But apparently they’ve got castles, mountains and free kebabs.

“That’s basically Disneyland with sheep.”

WALES ANNOUNCES NEW TOURISM SLOGAN

Officials reportedly considered:

“Wales — More Than Just Mountains.”

Then:

“Wales — Where Visitors Are Welcome.”

Both were rejected.

The winning campaign will instead appear at airports, railway stations and motorway crossings:

ENGLAND CHARGES YOU TO COME IN.
WALES GIVES YOU A KEBAB.
WELCOME TO WALES — SAUCE?

The Daily Scrotum Disclaimer: This story is entirely fictional satire intended for humour and entertainment. The events, quotations, conversations and situations described above should not be interpreted as factual reporting.