Birthright Bombshell Leaves White House Searching For Atlas

WASHINGTON, D.C. – America was left stunned today after the Supreme Court reaffirmed that birthright citizenship remains in place for people born in the country, prompting a wave of constitutional debates, legal analysis… and one spectacular administrative mix-up.

According to a completely bewildering set of fictional government records “discovered” in an old filing cabinet labelled “Probably Important”, President Donald Trump had supposedly been born in Somalia while his parents were travelling overseas.

Within minutes, television networks switched to continuous breaking news coverage, while historians began repeatedly muttering:

“That… doesn’t sound right.”

Government officials immediately formed the Emergency Birth Certificate Verification Task Force, consisting of twelve lawyers, three historians, a geography teacher and one elderly librarian who insisted she’d “seen stranger things.”

The fictional paperwork allegedly included:

• A boarding pass dated three years before the flight existed.
• A birth certificate signed by “Dave.”
• A hospital stamp reading “Probably Genuine.”
• A handwritten note saying, “Please don’t look too closely.”

Despite the obvious warning signs, bureaucrats reportedly spent six hours arguing over whether the documents should be filed alphabetically under “T” for Trump or “S” for Somalia.

Constitutional experts were said to be completely baffled.

One professor admitted:

“I’ve studied constitutional law for forty years. I was not prepared for a birth certificate apparently completed in green crayon.”

As rumours spread, social media exploded with thousands of armchair investigators confidently analysing airport timetables, globe maps and holiday brochures from the 1940s.

One self-appointed expert claimed to have solved the mystery using “advanced mathematics and two YouTube videos.”

Officials politely ignored him.

Meanwhile, a travel company quickly announced a new holiday package called “The Presidential Birthplace Tour”, despite nobody being entirely certain where the tour was supposed to start.

The White House press office spent most of the afternoon repeatedly explaining:

“No, we are not commenting on fictional paperwork.”

At one point, staff accidentally replaced the presidential seal with a world map and spent twenty minutes trying to remember which way up it went.

Meanwhile, souvenir sellers wasted no time producing novelty passports, commemorative atlases and T-shirts reading:

“I Went Looking For The Birth Certificate… And All I Got Was This Confused Constitution.”

At the time of publication, the entire affair had reportedly come to an end after officials discovered the mysterious filing cabinet also contained plans for a bridge to the Moon, a recipe for invisible soup and an application from a Labrador seeking election to the Senate.