Trump Begins Royal Voice Training to Sound Like King Charles
MAR-A-LAGO, FLORIDA — Donald Trump has reportedly embarked on an intensive programme to retrain his vocal cords after deciding that sounding like King Charles III will give him what he calls “tremendous international street cred.”
Speaking in what witnesses described as “an unusual mixture of New York businessman, Shakespearean actor and someone asking for another cup of tea,” Trump announced his ambitious plan.
“I’ve got a fantastic voice already. Everybody says so. But imagine if I sounded… royal. People would listen even more.”
Sources close to Mar-a-Lago claim Trump has hired an elite team of speech coaches, butlers, retired palace staff and one man from Surrey who once said “Good afternoon” to Prince Philip from across a car park.
Training reportedly begins every morning at exactly 7 a.m.
Trump stands in front of a full-length mirror holding a china teacup while repeating:
“My dear fellow…”
“Quite splendid…”
“I say…”
And…
“One simply doesn’t eat cheeseburgers before luncheon.”
The first week was not considered a complete success.
Instead of saying,
“Good afternoon.”
Trump accidentally announced,
“You’re fired… terribly sorry… terribly.”
According to insiders, one exercise involves balancing a copy of The Times newspaper on his head while slowly reading gardening magazines in what coaches call “Peak Buckingham Palace.”
Another requires him to wave continuously for twenty minutes without pointing at anyone.
Quentin Thrustbucket was invited to observe one lesson.
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” Quentin reported.
“Every time Trump attempted a royal sentence, it somehow ended with the words, ‘The greatest in history.'”
Speech experts remain optimistic.
One tutor explained,
“He’s mastered the royal nod.”
“We’re now working on reducing the number of exclamation marks in his conversations.”
The transformation has reportedly gone so far that Mar-a-Lago staff have replaced the usual burgers with cucumber sandwiches, Earl Grey tea and tiny scones.
Trump allegedly lasted six minutes before quietly ordering two cheeseburgers “for ceremonial purposes.”
Meanwhile, Buckingham Palace has refused to comment publicly, although one palace insider admitted they were briefly puzzled after receiving an application from someone requesting to be known as:
“His Royal Tremendousness.”
Political analysts remain divided over whether the experiment will succeed.
Some believe the new voice could improve Trump’s international image.
Others fear it may simply confuse everyone.
One supporter summed it up perfectly.
“I don’t know whether he’s running for President, applying to become King, or opening a luxury garden centre.”
At the time of publication, Trump proudly announced that he had almost perfected the royal accent.
Unfortunately, the achievement was slightly overshadowed when he finished addressing reporters by declaring:
“God Save… Everybody Loves Me… Thank you very much!”
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