It was a cold, misty morning in Westminster when Britain’s newest Minister of Immigration, Yu Fluck Off, took office.
Born to Chinese immigrants, Yu had grown up in the tough streets of Manchester, always determined to prove himself. Now, after years of political climbing, he had finally reached the top seat—and he wasn’t about to let anyone forget his name.
Literally.
Because, as fate would have it, Yu Fluck Off had one of the most unfortunate names in political history.
A New Sheriff in Town
His first day in office, Yu stormed into the Home Office, slammed his fist on the desk, and declared:
“From today forward, immigration in the UK will be TOUGH! STRONG! UNRELENTING! NO MORE WEAK BORDERS!”
His staff nodded nervously, afraid to accidentally say his name out loud in public.
But Yu wasn’t just about tough talk—he had a plan.
Operation “Fluck Off or Get Out”
Determined to make history, Yu launched his strictest immigration policy yet—officially named:
? OPERATION: “FLUCK OFF OR GET OUT!” ?
It was simple:
- Every visitor at Heathrow would now be personally interviewed by Yu Fluck Off.
- Anyone with an unclear reason for visiting the UK would receive a personalized rejection stamp that read:
“YU FLUCK OFF SAYS NO.” - Even British citizens returning from holiday would have to prove their loyalty by singing “God Save the King” at passport control.
Yu Fluck Off wasn’t taking chances.
And soon, the chaos began.
Confusion at the Borders
It started at Heathrow Airport when an American tourist approached the passport control desk.
“Welcome to the United Kingdom, sir,” said the officer. “State your purpose for visiting.”
“Just here to see Big Ben and have some tea, mate,” said the tourist, winking.
Yu stepped forward, glaring.
“Do you have proof?”
“Uh… proof of what?”
“THAT YOU LIKE TEA.”
The tourist blinked.
“I mean, I drink it sometimes…”
Yu slammed his rejection stamp down.
“NO ENTRY. YU FLUCK OFF SAYS NO!”
The tourist was escorted away.
Word spread like wildfire. People were terrified.
Even British citizens weren’t safe.
A Scottish man returning from Spain was stopped by Yu personally.
“Sing the national anthem!” Yu demanded.
The Scotsman hesitated. “Uh… I kinda prefer Flower of Scotland.”
Yu’s eyes narrowed.
“NO ENTRY. YU FLUCK OFF SAYS NO!”
Parliament Goes Into Meltdown
Within days, the UK government was in crisis.
- France threatened retaliation, claiming British tourists would now have to prove they like baguettes before entering Paris.
- Dublin refused entry to British citizens unless they could recite at least one verse of an Ed Sheeran song.
- The BBC aired a special debate titled: “Is Yu Fluck Off Out of Control?”
But Yu didn’t care.
He was making a name for himself, and he wasn’t about to stop.
The Final Showdown: King Charles Steps In
Eventually, King Charles III himself was forced to intervene.
At an emergency meeting at Buckingham Palace, the King motioned for Yu to sit down.
“Minister Fluck Off,” the King began carefully, “do you understand the chaos you’ve caused?”
Yu nodded proudly.
“Yes, Your Majesty. Britain has never been stronger!”
“That may be true,” Charles sighed, “but you turned away the Prime Minister yesterday because he didn’t have his passport.”
Yu shrugged.
“Rules are rules.”
The King rubbed his temples.
“And what about the Queen Consort?”
“She failed the tea test. I had no choice.”
Charles blinked in disbelief.
“You’re telling me… you deported my wife?”
Yu nodded, proudly.
“She should be back in two weeks. Hopefully with a proper tea-drinking certificate.”
The Aftermath
Faced with mounting public pressure, Yu Fluck Off was eventually reassigned—not fired, but instead promoted to Head of National Security, where his strict approach could be “better utilized.”
His final words as Immigration Minister?
“I DID WHAT WAS RIGHT. I MADE BRITAIN STRONG. IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT… YU FLUCK OFF!”
The country will never forget him.
And somewhere, in an airport far, far away, a confused American tourist still wonders why he had to prove his love for tea.
