Trump Launches Exclusive Men’s Club: “The Little Willies” – Membership Limited to 2 Inches or Less
Mar-a-Lago, Florida – President Donald J. Trump has announced the launch of an exclusive new gentlemen’s club, “The Little Willies”, with a strict membership policy—no member can measure more than two inches.
The club, which Trump later rebranded as “The Little Dicks”, aims to create a safe space for men who have “been unfairly judged by society and locker room standards.” According to Trump, size discrimination has been one of the biggest issues facing American men, and this club will provide a support network for those who, like him, have been mocked and ridiculed.
Membership Requirements
To ensure the club maintains its strict size standards, Trump has implemented a rigorous vetting process:
- All prospective members must undergo an official measurement conducted by a panel of trusted, small-handed evaluators.
- Any man measuring over two inches in length will be immediately disqualified.
- Lifetime memberships will be granted to those measuring under one inch (or as Trump calls them, “Elite Founding Members”).
Trump’s Vision for “The Little Dicks”
Trump, in his press announcement, explained:
“For years, the fake news media has tried to shame men like me, saying size matters. SAD! We’re finally standing up—okay, maybe not standing up too high—but we’re proud! This club is for the real men, the real patriots, the ones who’ve been laughed at in locker rooms and ignored in relationships. I know how it feels. That’s why I’m starting this club, so small men can finally feel big.“
He went on to attack former golf legend Arnold Palmer, stating:
“A guy like Arnold Palmer? Totally disqualified. Too big. That’s why he was always so confident. We don’t need guys like him ruining the vibe. The Little Dicks is for the small, the humble, the underestimated. The real winners. The real patriots.”
Club Amenities
Despite its exclusive size requirements, Trump has promised a luxurious experience for all members, including:
- A specially designed golf course where all the holes are extra small, making every putt feel like a hole-in-one.
- Custom-tailored pants to ensure a flattering fit in all the right places.
- A golden “participation trophy” awarded at every meeting, so members finally feel like winners.
- A weekly support group, where men can share their stories of rejection, embarrassment, and past experiences in gym showers.
Public Reaction & Celebrity Interest
While some prominent men have expressed interest, others have been outright banned.
- Elon Musk: “I admire Trump’s courage, but I prefer to stay in clubs where members actually have a presence.”
- Vladimir Putin: “I already have a club like this in Russia. We just don’t talk about it.”
- Arnold Schwarzenegger: “I’m not even going to respond to this.”
Meanwhile, Rudy Giuliani and Ron DeSantis have both been spotted enthusiastically signing up, with Giuliani reportedly requesting honorary “tiny but mighty” status.
Merchandise and Sponsorships
Trump has already monetized the movement, launching a new clothing line under the “LITTLE D” brand, featuring extra padded underwear, adjustable waistbands, and slogan hats reading “SIZE DOESN’T MATTER.”
The club is seeking sponsorships, with Viagra and Cialis reportedly passing on the opportunity, while MyPillow founder Mike Lindell has shown interest in providing special “comfort cushions” for members.
The Future of The Little Dicks
Trump hopes to expand The Little Dicks worldwide, promising international chapters in Canada, Europe, and Russia, although France has already declined the invitation on the grounds of “standards.”
In closing, Trump declared:
“We’re building a movement—a very small but powerful movement. Some people say small things can’t be great. WRONG! This club is going to be YUGE!“
Time will tell whether The Little Dicks will truly change the conversation on size—or if it will just be another one of Trump’s short-lived ventures.
