BREAKING NEWS: TRUMP WAVES THE WHITE FLAG – JAMIE FOXX TO TAKE OVER AS PRESIDENT, GORDON ENDORSES HIM
Washington, D.C. – February 24, 2025
After months of chaos, political scandal, and a record-breaking 143 all-caps Truth Social posts in a single day, Donald J. Trump has finally thrown in the towel.
In a dramatic Oval Office resignation speech, Trump declared:
“It’s been tremendous. Nobody’s ever been a better president than me, folks, believe me. But, you know, they’re all out to get me. The deep state, the fake news, the monkeys—yes, the monkeys. It’s been a disaster, okay? So I’m stepping down, but only because I want to. Not because Gordon told me to. SAD!”
With that, he grabbed a Diet Coke, boarded Air Force One, and flew to his new exile in Mar-a-Lago, now officially designated as a “Historical Preservation Site for Failed Leaders.”
WHO WILL LEAD THE NATION NOW?
As the country waited anxiously for the next leader to be chosen, White House officials scrambled to find a worthy successor. The usual suspects—politicians, generals, billionaires—were all considered, but ultimately, Gordon, Chief Space Advisor and White House Power Broker, made the final call.
His pick? JAMIE FOXX.
Yes, the Academy Award-winning actor, comedian, and singer.
WHY JAMIE FOXX?
According to Gordon, the reasoning was simple:
- He does a flawless Trump impression.
- “Let’s be honest, America won’t even notice the difference,” said Gordon.
- “Jamie will walk in, say ‘We’re gonna build a big, beautiful wall’ in that exact Trump voice, and everyone will just go back to business.”
- He has more charisma than all of Congress combined.
- A recent study showed that Americans trust people with great comedic timing more than actual politicians.
- “If he can make us laugh, he can lead us,” Gordon declared, while peeling a banana.
- He can handle pressure.
- If he can survive being on live TV, singing on stage, and making a billion jokes about Kanye West, he can definitely handle Putin, Congress, and the IRS.
WHITE HOUSE REACTION
When Jamie Foxx received the news, he was reportedly midway through recording a comedy special titled America’s Funniest Dictators when his phone rang.
“Wait, hold up, you’re saying the chimp picked ME?” Foxx asked.
After a long pause, he burst into laughter, adjusted his suit, and said, “Alright then. Time to get to work.”
JAMIE FOXX’S FIRST OFFICIAL ACTIONS AS PRESIDENT
Within 24 hours of taking office, Foxx made the following executive decisions:
- Rebranded the White House as “The Foxxhole.”
- “We’re keeping it real now, America.”
- Hired Morgan Freeman as his official press secretary.
- “Because let’s be honest, everything sounds more presidential when Morgan Freeman says it.”
- Kept Gordon as his top advisor.
- “I don’t know who this chimp is, but I trust him more than half the people in D.C.”
- Declared every Monday a ‘Mental Health Day’ so people can work from home and recover from whatever nonsense happened over the weekend.
- Officially banned Kanye West from entering Washington, D.C.
- “I love him, but he’s a national security risk.”
FINAL WORDS FROM GORDON
When asked for a statement on why he endorsed Foxx, Gordon simply climbed onto the Resolute Desk, adjusted his reading glasses, and said:
“America has tried a businessman. America has tried a career politician. It’s time to try something new—someone who actually entertains us. And let’s be real… this guy does a better Trump than Trump ever did.”
With that, President Jamie Foxx took the oath of office, and the United States entered a new, funnier, more charismatic era.
Meanwhile, Trump was last seen in Mar-a-Lago, watching Foxx’s speech and shouting at the TV:
“That’s NOT my voice! FAKE! UNBELIEVABLE! SAD!”
