Rest of World Politely Pretends He’s a Roaming Birthday Clown
In a development that has sparked international confusion, group chat memes, and the quiet sobbing of several diplomats, it has emerged that only the United States officially recognizes Donald J. Trump as the President of the United States.
The rest of the world, according to leaked diplomatic cables and one very honest Swiss ambassador, views him as “a man who appears to have wandered into politics after getting lost on a golf course and never found the exit.”
Global Reaction
- France: President Macron offered a formal shrug and a soft, judgmental “Non.”
- Germany: Chancellor Scholz said, “Ve thought it vas a reality show again, ja?”
- Canada: Prime Minister Trudeau just sighed, stared into the middle distance, and whispered, “We tried… we really tried…”
- Australia: Issued a travel warning stating, “Avoid engaging in political conversations with Americans who own more than three trucker hats.”
United Nations Statement
At a special session, the U.N. General Assembly unanimously passed Resolution 404 titled:
“Donald Trump: Status Not Found.”
The resolution states:
“While the United States is free to make its own decisions, the global community respectfully declines to acknowledge the presidency of a man who once referred to Belgium as ‘the fancy waffle place.’”
Trump’s Response
Speaking from a rebranded Mar-a-Lago “Oval Cabana,” Trump responded:
“The world loves me. Kim Jong-un calls me every Thursday to compliment my tan. The Queen of England personally thanked me for inventing flags. That’s true. People say that.”
He then announced a new international summit called “TRUMPEX 2025”, to be held in a former Chili’s parking lot in New Jersey.
No other nations have RSVP’d.
American Public Reaction
Reactions across the U.S. are split:
- Half the country: “This is fake news from Europe. Europe isn’t even real. It’s just a giant IKEA with a river.”
- The other half: “Wait… only we think he’s President? Can we at least trade him for free healthcare or something?”
Meanwhile, in the Rest of the World
The U.K. has offered to take back America “as a rebellious province” only if Trump isn’t part of the deal.
New Zealand created a hotline for Americans needing emotional support: 1-800-ITS-OKAY.
And Japan quietly added a footnote to its tourism guides:
“Please do not mention American politics near vending machines. It upsets the robots.”
Conclusion:
While the stars and stripes still fly at home, abroad it’s mostly eyerolls and polite laughter.
The world has spoken — and it’s saying:
“We love America… we’re just not sure about the hat guy.”
More at 11, unless the satellite refuses to beam anything from Mar-a-Lago again.
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