Trump Shoots Himself in the Foot as Fired Park Rangers Evict Him from the White House

“YOU’RE FIRED!”… “NO, MR. PRESIDENT, YOU ARE.”

In an unexpected yet completely predictable turn of events, Donald J. Trump has accidentally evicted himself from the White House after his own mass firing spree backfired spectacularly.

The soon to be former president, known for his bold decision-making (read: questionable impulse control), recently ordered the immediate dismissal of hundreds of National Park Service employees, believing them to be “just tree huggers” and completely unaware that they are actually the stewards of the White House.

Now, in an act of bureaucratic revenge, the very same Park Rangers he fired have issued him a formal 30-day eviction notice.

The Paperwork That Did Him In

“Turns out, the National Park Service technically owns and maintains the White House grounds,” explained a smug-looking Ranger Dale Thompson, who had been personally escorted out by Secret Service two weeks prior, only to return today with a clipboard and an army of unpaid interns.

“Mr. Trump may be used to firing people,” Dale continued, “but he forgot that when you fire the people in charge of the paperwork, sometimes that paperwork ends up working against you.”

The Official Eviction Notice

The National Park Service Eviction Order, stapled to the Resolute Desk and personally slid under Trump’s bedroom door at 3 AM, read:

“By order of the U.S. National Park Service, you are hereby required to vacate the premises within 30 days.
Failure to do so will result in forced removal via eco-friendly methods (including but not limited to wild bison relocation, bear repellent, and strategically placed beehives).”

It was signed by every single ranger Trump had fired, including one who added a smiley face and a drawing of Trump riding a donkey.

Trump’s Reaction: Confusion, Outrage, and a Lot of Tweeting

Upon discovering the eviction notice, Trump reportedly stormed out of the Oval Office, waving the paper like it was an unpaid tax bill.

“TOTAL HOAX! FAKE PARK SERVICE! I LOVE PARKS! I AM THE BEST AT PARKS!” he ranted to a group of confused Secret Service agents, one of whom had to remind him that the National Park Service is, in fact, a real thing.

Despite his protests, the deadline remains firm.

• The Lincoln Bedroom is already being repainted in preparation for the next tenant.
• The White House garden has been booby-trapped with motion-activated sprinklers that spray extra-strong organic fertilizer whenever Trump tries to step outside.
• Rangers have begun rewilding efforts on the South Lawn, introducing a pack of mischievous raccoons who have already stolen at least three of Trump’s MAGA hats.

30 Days to Leave – Or Else

The eviction order gives Trump until the end of the month to vacate. If he does not, the National Park Service has outlined a series of steps they will take:

1. Remove the Resolute Desk and replace it with a picnic table.
2. Convert the Oval Office into an interactive nature exhibit featuring a live owl, a beaver habitat, and a “Spot the Endangered Species” game.
3. Release 1,000 squirrels into the Situation Room.
4. Turn the White House into a “Make Your Own Maple Syrup” workshop.
5. If all else fails, replace the White House Wi-Fi password with “Biden2024!” and wait for Trump to leave voluntarily.

Final Thoughts: What’s Next for Trump?

With nowhere left to go, Trump is rumored to be considering his options:

• Move into Mar-a-Lago permanently (if Florida will still have him).
• Set up a “Winter White House” in a golf cart behind a McDonald’s.
• Seek asylum in Texas, claiming it’s the “REAL capital” of the U.S. now.
• Buy a tent and try to “legally squat” on the White House lawn.

Meanwhile, National Park Rangers have already begun planting trees on the North Lawn, which will soon be renamed “Trump’s Big Green Exit.”

One thing is certain—this may be the first time in history that a U.S. president has been evicted by a team of people wearing khaki shorts and sun hats.