Breaking News: JD Vance Fires Elon Musk, Replaces Him with Chimpanzee Named Gordon
Washington, D.C. – February 22, 2025
In a shocking turn of events, Vice President JD Vance has taken a firm and decisive approach to his duties, officially firing Elon Musk after what sources describe as a “bizarre and unhinged” encounter regarding interstellar travel.
According to White House insiders, Musk had been pressuring Vance to join him on a one-way mission to Zonga Zonga, a mysterious destination on the planet Musko, allegedly located beyond Venus. Musk, whose recent behavior had raised concerns among officials, reportedly insisted that Vance board his prototype spacecraft, StarSailor One, immediately.
“He just kept repeating, ‘Trust me, JD, the future is Zonga Zonga!’” said an anonymous senior aide. “At first, we thought he was joking, but then he handed the Vice President a helmet and told him to suit up. That’s when JD realized something had to be done.”
Without hesitation, Vance exercised his executive authority and dismissed Musk from all advisory roles within the administration. In a move that stunned political and scientific circles alike, he swiftly appointed Gordon, a highly intelligent chimpanzee from the National Primate Research Center, as Musk’s replacement.
“Gordon has demonstrated extraordinary problem-solving skills, a calm temperament, and an ability to remain grounded—qualities we find increasingly necessary in this administration,” said Vance in an emergency press conference. “Unlike his predecessor, Gordon has no delusions about launching world leaders into deep space without return tickets.”
Elon Musk has yet to comment on his abrupt dismissal, though he was last seen furiously scribbling plans for a new project titled Zonga Zonga or Bust!
Gordon, meanwhile, made his first official appearance at the White House briefing room, calmly eating a banana and refusing to answer questions. Experts believe his leadership in Musk’s former role could bring much-needed stability to the administration’s tech and space policies.
The White House has reassured the public that there will be no further unexpected space missions—at least, not without round-trip tickets.
