✨💥🌟 DONNY’S SECOND-HAND CAR SALES 🌟💥✨

“TREMENDOUS DEALS! ELECTRIC STEALS!”

⚡ Pre-loved Teslas! Slightly used, never accused! ⚡
NOW WITH FREE MAGA AIR FRESHENER IN EVERY GLOVEBOX!
LIMITED LIFETIME WARRANTY (EXPIRES YESTERDAY)
WE FINANCE ANYONE: Bad credit? No credit? Still owes Elon? COME ON DOWN!

OPEN 25/8 – LOCATED AT THE FORMER WHITE HOUSE

Where the Rose Garden is now the Deal Garden.
“Where Class Meets Gas…less!”

✨🤑💸 ACT NOW OR REGRET FOREVER! 💸🤑✨

Trump Turns White House Into Dodgy Second-Hand Tesla Dealership – Musk Now a Part-Time Salesman

In a move that no constitutional scholar saw coming, Donald J. Trump has announced he is repurposing the White House into a slightly suspicious second-hand Tesla dealership, calling it:

“Donny T’s Pre-Owned Tesla Palace – Deals as Tremendous as My Hair.”
The Rose Garden: Now a Glorious Used Car Lot

What was once home to presidential press conferences and historical photo ops is now a sunbaked concrete lot packed with over 100 used Teslas, each with a “SPECIAL DEAL – TODAY ONLY!” sign and a MAGA air freshener dangling from the mirror.

A confused tourist reported:

“I came here expecting a historical tour. I left with a 2019 Model S and a bumper sticker that says, ‘Silent But Presidential.’”

Trump proudly gave reporters a tour, wearing a red blazer embroidered with the words “Commander-in-Deals.”

“Look at these babies,” he said, slapping the hood of a dusty Cybertruck. “Runs like a dream. Had one careful owner. Could be Elon, could be someone from Space Force. Who knows?”

Elon Musk Joins the Sales Team

To everyone’s shock (and growing concern), Elon Musk has accepted a role as “Supreme Tesla Sales Manager of the Western Wing.”

He’ll be working three days a week out of a new office being built in what used to be the Situation Room, now renamed the Negotiation Room (With Complimentary Coffee and Windshield Wipers).

Musk’s new desk is made from recycled charging cables and Dogecoin logos, and he’s been seen practicing his sales pitch in the mirror, muttering:

“Yes, it's used… but the autopilot only crashed once and that was mostly the deer’s fault.”

Strange New Features of the “TrumpTesla™ Dealership”

Free oil change with every sale, despite Tesla not needing oil
Financing options through Truth Social
A loyalty card: Buy 3 Teslas, get a signed picture of Trump riding a SpaceX rocket
New "Model T" in development: a Tesla shaped like Trump's face that tweets insults when parked

Foreign Diplomats React in Absolute Bewilderment

One British ambassador, upon arriving for a meeting, was handed a flyer that read:

“Make Your Commute Great Again – 0% APR and Global Respect!”

He was then offered a 2021 Tesla in “Confused Beige” by Musk himself, who threw in a free flamethrower and a coupon for half off the Mars shuttle.
Secret Service Now Parking Attendants

All agents are now equipped with earpieces and valet tags. The code phrase “The Eagle Has Landed” now means “bring around the white Model X with the cracked touchscreen.”
What’s Next?

Trump is reportedly planning to convert the Lincoln Bedroom into a detailing garage, and there are rumors he’s trying to trademark the phrase:

“Make Tesla Used Again.”

He also hinted at future expansions:

“We’re opening another lot at Camp David. It's a little remote, but the air is fresh and the deals are historic.”

Final Thoughts

So if you’re in the market for a used electric car, some awkward eye contact with Musk, and a free MAGA-branded cupholder, look no further than:

The White House – Home of the Free, and Now Home of the Pre-Owned.

Act fast. Every car comes with a complimentary tweet from Trump… whether you want it or not.