In an unprecedented moment in culinary history, Donald J. Trump has personally awarded seven Michelin stars to the McDonald’s at 1720 Palm Beach Lakes Blvd, West Palm Beach, FL 33401—making it the most highly rated restaurant in the world.
“The Most Luxurious, Classy, Incredible Food. The Best.”
At a grand press conference held inside the McDonald’s drive-thru, Trump declared:
“Folks, I’ve eaten at all the so-called ‘fine dining’ places—very overrated. Ever had a tiny plate with one leaf and a drizzle of sauce? Terrible. Sad. But THIS place? Big Macs. Fries. So much winning. They deserve not one, not two, but SEVEN Michelin stars. The most stars. More than anyone. Tremendous.”
As he spoke, Trump sipped from a gold-plated McFlurry cup, flanked by the McDonald’s mascot, Ronald McDonald, who appeared visibly shaken by the unexpected historic honor.
The Michelin Guide Responds (In Confusion)
Michelin, the world-renowned gastronomic rating system, was caught entirely off guard by this development. A spokesperson stammered:
“We… we don’t give out Michelin stars like that. And, um… no restaurant has ever received seven. Also, why is Donald Trump giving them out?”
Undeterred, Trump personally signed and laminated the award, sticking it to the McDonald’s drive-thru window with ketchup.
McDonald’s Becomes the World’s #1 Dining Destination
Following the announcement, the McDonald’s in West Palm Beach experienced an influx of elite food critics, billionaires, and confused French chefs, all eager to taste the now-legendary Michelin 7-Star McNuggets.
- Gordon Ramsay took one bite of a Quarter Pounder and whispered, “It’s… it’s perfect.” before shedding a single tear.
- Elon Musk tweeted, “McDonald’s stock going to the moon. Accepting Dogecoin for Happy Meals soon.”
- Vladimir Putin sent a message via secret telegram reading, “Is it too late to open McDonald’s in Russia again?”
Ronald McDonald Faces an Identity Crisis
While business boomed, Ronald McDonald found himself questioning everything.
“I never thought I’d be at the helm of the world’s most prestigious restaurant,” he confessed. “I mean, my name is literally ‘Ronald McDonald.’ It doesn’t scream ‘fine dining.’ Maybe I should change it to something more Michelin-worthy… like ‘Ronald Le MacDonald’ or ‘Jean-Claude McFlurry.’”
He later announced a dramatic rebranding:
“From this day forward, I shall be known as Ronaldo de McDonaldo III!” (The crowd at the PlayPlace cheered.)
Conclusion: A Golden (Arches) Age of Fine Dining
As reservations for McDonald’s West Palm Beach were booked out for years in advance, other luxury restaurants panicked. The French Laundry rebranded as “Le Drive-Thru.” Nobu added McChicken sushi to its menu. Salt Bae was last seen sadly sprinkling salt onto a Filet-O-Fish.
Meanwhile, Trump hinted at his next move:
“I might give Arby’s a few stars next. Their curly fries? Fantastic. Maybe 12 stars. The most stars ever awarded. Watch out, world.”
And with that, America’s fast food revolution had officially begun.
