The Swedish Discovery: JD Vance’s Uncanny Eyes
It all started in a dimly lit research lab in Stockholm, where a group of top Swedish scientists huddled around a high-resolution image of JD Vance. His eyes, cold and calculating, seemed to pierce through the screen, leaving even the most rational minds unsettled.
Dr. Lars Björk, the lead researcher at the Swedish Institute of Optical Phenomena, adjusted his glasses. “Det är otroligt,” he whispered. “These eyes… they are not normal.”
His colleague, Dr. Ingrid Lundström, nodded. “The polarization levels are off the charts. It’s almost as if they can… see beyond the visible spectrum.”
Curious and deeply disturbed, the scientists conducted further tests, analyzing hundreds of hours of footage featuring Vance. The results were both baffling and terrifying—his eyes exhibited a previously unknown ability to penetrate clothing fabrics, detecting patterns of thermal energy beneath layers of wool, cotton, and even Kevlar.
“Mon dieu!” exclaimed Dr. Pierre Magnussen, who had flown in from France for the study. “If this is true, his eyes can see through anything!”
But the discovery didn’t stop there. The more they analyzed, the more they realized that Vance’s eyes weren’t just about vision—they were somehow linked to his ability to generate nonsense at an unprecedented rate. Whenever his gaze locked onto a camera, a stream of incoherent yet oddly persuasive rhetoric would flow effortlessly from his mouth, hypnotizing crowds into either furious rage or blind admiration.
Dr. Björk scratched his head. “It’s as if his eyes amplify his bullshit in real-time. The more he looks at you, the more you start questioning your own grasp on reality.”
Seeing the commercial potential, the Swedish government quickly intervened. They established the JD Vance Optical Research Initiative, a classified project aimed at cloning his eyes and implanting them into a line of high-end sunglasses.
“These glasses will revolutionize the market,” declared Erik Svensson, CEO of Sweden’s largest optics manufacturer. “We shall call them… PEODOS.”
The concept was simple: once worn, the PEODOS sunglasses would grant the user the same eerie abilities as JD Vance—seeing through clothes while simultaneously enhancing their capacity to talk absolute nonsense with unwavering confidence.
The launch was set for the following year, with plans to distribute the glasses globally. But as the first prototype was tested on an unsuspecting intern, something went horribly wrong.
The intern, Sven Eriksson, put on the glasses and immediately let out a shriek. “Mina ögon! I can see everything! But I can’t stop speaking garbage!”
He stumbled around the lab, muttering bizarre conspiracy theories about Norwegian fish quotas while pointing at people’s torsos. It was too much power for a single person to handle.
Realizing the ethical and societal dangers, Sweden’s Prime Minister held an emergency meeting. “We cannot allow the world to be infected with this level of madness,” he declared. “We must destroy the PEODOS project before it’s too late.”
That night, the Swedish military raided the lab, seizing every prototype and burning them in a high-temperature furnace. The research was sealed away in the deepest vaults of Stockholm, never to be spoken of again.
As for JD Vance? He continued on, unaware of how close the world had come to mass-producing his unsettling abilities. His eyes remained as polarizing as ever—captivating some, horrifying others, and ensuring that his words would always linger in the minds of those unfortunate enough to listen.
