As Donald Trump settles into his second term as President, a surprising thought has begun to consume him: Was this all a mistake?
The energy, the rallies, the relentless fight to return to power—it had all seemed worth it. But now, sitting alone in the Oval Office at 3 AM, staring at a pile of indictments and yet another impeachment attempt, he wonders: Would it have been better to just go to prison instead?
The Prison Alternative
Had he taken the plea deal, Trump would have been sentenced to 21 years in a federal facility, a sentence he had once scoffed at. But now, he envisions an alternate reality:
A private suite in a white-collar prison, golfing privileges (or at least putting practice in the courtyard), catered meals from a Trump Tower chef who owed him a favour. He could have written his memoirs in peace, sold another ghostwritten book, and kept his brand alive without all this political mess.
Most importantly, he could have kept a low profile. By the time he got out at 99 years old, he’d be greeted as a survivor, a legend, a man who had done his time. He could have waited just one more year and received his letter from King William V, congratulating him on his 100th birthday. Imagine that headline: “Trump Defies the System, Lives to 100, Crown Recognises His Longevity!”
Instead, he is exhausted, endlessly investigated, and now even his favourite pillow supplier has stopped returning his calls.
Melania’s Betrayal
But what stings the most isn’t the lawsuits, the betrayals in Washington, or even the polls showing he’s now less popular than a broken ATM machine—it’s Melania.
She had stood by his side through everything (or at least through carefully scheduled public appearances). But two months into his second term, she was gone, leaving nothing behind but a short note that read:
“Donald, I can’t do this anymore. I have found true excitement. You never dunked a ball in your life.”
She had run off with a 21-year-old basketball champion, a rising NBA star who was not only taller, richer, and younger, but also had a full head of hair and natural tan.
Trump had tried to launch a lawsuit, arguing that the basketball player was interfering with a presidential marriage, but even his most loyal lawyers had politely declined.
A Life of Regrets
And so, Trump sits at the Resolute Desk, fidgeting with a gold Sharpie, writing draft tweets he can’t even post anymore.
- “WORST MISTAKE EVER. PRISON WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER! SAD!”
- “MELANIA WILL REGRET THIS! (MAYBE) NOT!”
- “KING OF ENGLAND—PLEASE SEND LETTER EARLY! NEED A WIN!”
But in the end, he knows none of it matters. He had the chance to disappear, stay quiet, serve his time, and emerge as an American phoenix at 100—instead, he is stuck in the world’s biggest spotlight, fighting endless legal battles, watching old allies turn away, and constantly wondering…
“Why didn’t I just take the 21 years?”
