In what experts are calling “the boldest, most unnecessary real estate move ever,” Donald J. Trump has reportedly set his sights on purchasing the entire city of Bangkok.

Why? Because, according to Trump, “There are so many tall, beautiful, tremendous condominiums, and honestly, they’re just begging—BEGGING—to have my name on them.”
The Announcement: “Bangkok is Now Trump City”

At an emergency press conference held inside a Thai street food stall, Trump declared:

“Folks, I was looking at Bangkok, and let me tell you, it’s incredible. So many skyscrapers. So many condos. I mean, the whole place looks like it was already built for me. And, quite frankly, if you look at the name ‘Bangkok’… kinda funny, right? Sounds like something I’d say. I love it.”

When reporters asked how he planned to buy an entire city, Trump waved them off.

“I made THE DEAL of the century. Probably the biggest deal anyone has ever made. I spoke to some very important Thai people—very important, trust me. I said, ‘What if we turn all these condos into Trump properties?’ And folks, they loved it. They said, ‘Mr. Trump, sir, you are a genius.’ It’s happening.”
The Trumpification Begins

Within days of his announcement, construction crews (mostly confused locals who were promised “the best jobs, the best jobs”) began rebranding every high-rise in sight.

Examples of new Trumpified buildings include:

Trump Sukhumvit Tower (formerly The Millennium Residence)
Trump Riverside Palace (formerly The ICONSIAM Residences)
Trump Grand Emerald Buddha Hotel & Casino (“We don’t have casinos in Thailand, Mr. Trump.” / “We will. Watch me.”)
Trump 7-Eleven Residences (“They have a 7-Eleven on every street! I own those now. Probably. Not sure. But let’s say I do.”)

Thai Locals React

The reaction from Bangkok residents ranged from horrified to wildly entertained.

“Is this a joke?” – Thai business owner, who later admitted he would totally buy a Trump-branded mango sticky rice stand.
“I have no idea who this man is.” – Elderly fruit vendor who has never used the internet.
“Honestly, I don’t mind as long as my rent doesn’t go up.” – Every tenant ever.

Meanwhile, expats in Bangkok started referring to the city as “Trumptok,” which immediately caught on and trended worldwide.
Trump Faces One Tiny Problem…

Despite his confidence, legal experts quickly pointed out one minor flaw in Trump’s plan:

“Sir, you… you can’t just BUY a city.”

Trump, however, refused to back down.

“FAKE NEWS! Have you seen my condos? THEY’RE HUGE. LEGENDARY. Bigger than any condos you’ve ever seen! Have you seen some of these other buildings? Sad. Very sad. Nobody builds like Trump.”

Even when Bangkok’s actual government tried to intervene, Trump countered with a better offer:

“What if we rename the country? I’m thinking… Trumpiland. Very classy. Very luxurious. People would love it.”
The (Inevitable) Fallout

After several intense hours of debate, it was agreed that:

Bangkok would not, in fact, be renamed “Trump City.”
Trump was NOT allowed to place golden “T” logos on temples.
He could, however, keep his “Trump Mango Stand.”

And just like that, Bangkok was saved from full Trumpification… for now.
Final Thoughts?

In the end, while Trump didn’t quite manage to buy Bangkok, he did leave an impact.

Tourists can now visit the one and only “Trump Mango Stand,” where you can order a “MAGA Mango Smoothie”—but beware, it costs five times the normal price and comes with a signed photo of Trump’s hair.

And as Trump boarded his private jet, he gave one final farewell message to Bangkok:

“Folks, you’ll miss me. You’ll see. This city was made for Trump. But don’t worry, I’ll be back—with more deals, more condos, and maybe even… a TRUMP TUK-TUK COMPANY. It’s gonna be tremendous.”

And with that, Thailand collectively exhaled in relief.