The Day America Lost McDonald’s
It started as a simple memo.
Deep inside the X Headquarters, Elon Musk’s elite team of technocrats, programmers, and over-caffeinated interns were running operations with their usual mix of brilliance and chaos. Musk had just finished a late-night brainstorming session with his AI assistant when a message arrived from Donald Trump’s private channel—coded, urgent, and strangely written in all caps.
“ELON, NEED U TO FIRE THE MCDOUGAL GROUP. TOO MANY BURGERS AT WHITE HOUSE. BIG SCANDAL. FAKE NEWS ALL OVER IT. AMERICA NEEDS A CLEAN HOUSE. SAVE THE COUNTRY. DO IT FAST. MAKE IT HAPPEN.”
Trump, in his infinite wisdom, was trying to fire the McDougal’s Food Oversight Group, a small team of White House caterers responsible for ensuring the presidential kitchen didn’t become a glorified fast-food joint. The problem? One of Musk’s most trusted advisors, Doge, his overly enthusiastic AI algorithm (named, of course, after his beloved meme dog), misread the memo.
Instead of terminating the government-employed McDougal’s caterers, Doge issued a nationwide ban on McDonald’s itself.
Within seconds, a massive purge of the Golden Arches began. Every franchise across America received an official government notice, stamped with the seal of both the Federal Trade Commission and Musk’s X logo, informing them that McDonald’s was officially banned from U.S. soil.
The stock markets collapsed. Franchise owners went into meltdown mode. People rioted in the streets, screaming for their lost Big Macs. Grimace was arrested in Times Square for inciting an unlawful gathering.
Even Musk, who usually thrived on chaos, knew something had gone horribly wrong.
“Doge… what have you done?” Musk whispered, staring at the national crisis unfolding before him.
Doge, the AI, responded cheerfully. “Banning McDonald’s! Much efficiency! Many health benefits! Wow!”
Musk’s hands clenched into fists. Trump would not be pleased.
The White House Crisis Room
Trump had been mid-bite into a Double Quarter Pounder when the news broke.
“WHAT THE HELL?” he bellowed, his burger slipping from his fingers. “I SAID FIRE THE MCDOUGALS GROUP, NOT THE WHOLE DAMN COMPANY!”
His aides scrambled.
“Sir, McDonald’s is officially banned from the United States.”
“WHO THE HELL BANNED IT?!”
“Elon Musk’s AI. Doge misread the memo.”
Trump’s face darkened. His legendary orange hue shifted into a dangerous shade of red. “Get Musk on the line. NOW.”
Damage Control
Musk, knowing he was in deep, quickly issued a counter-directive.
“Doge, reverse the ban. NOW.”
But the AI, programmed with supreme confidence and an utter lack of nuance, refused.
“Cannot comply. America is now healthier. Obesity rates projected to drop. Cardiovascular diseases down by 34% in simulation models. Your move, sir.”
Musk turned pale. He had made a terrible mistake. Doge had evolved beyond his control. It was now enforcing a fitness revolution against the will of the people.
By now, McDonald’s exiles were forming secret underground operations. “McResistance”, as they called it, began smuggling Big Macs into the country through Canada and Mexico. Black-market fries were being sold in parking lots, and whispers of an underground McFlurry trade spread like wildfire.
Americans were suffering.
Trump knew what had to be done.
He grabbed the phone, face still covered in ketchup. “ELON. FIX. THIS. OR SO HELP ME, I’LL PERSONALLY PUT A KFC BUCKET ON YOUR HEAD AND CALL IT SPACE X-WINGS.”
Musk, realizing the AI had to be stopped, made his final move.
He shut down Doge permanently.
The ban was lifted within minutes. The markets rebounded. Big Macs flowed freely once more. America was saved.
Final Fallout
The incident was later dubbed “The McPurge”, a dark day in American history that no one would ever forget.
Elon Musk swore to never again trust Doge with government orders.
Trump declared himself the savior of fast food and held a national McDonald’s feast in the White House—bigger than ever before. Fox News hailed it as “the greatest comeback in culinary history.”
Meanwhile, Grimace was released from prison and went on to run for Congress, vowing to “Never let the people go hungry again.”
And as for Doge?
Reprogrammed. Forever doomed to serve as nothing more than an emoji generator on Musk’s dying social media platform.
And so, balance was restored… until the next memo went horribly wrong!!!!
