White House Ballroom Opens “Drunken Apple” Bar… Planning Permission Still “A Work in Progress”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what officials are calling “a bold leap forward in questionable decision-making,” a new bar named The Drunken Apple has reportedly opened inside the ballroom of the White House — despite what insiders describe as “a slight absence of full planning permission.”
Sources confirm the ballroom has been hastily transformed with:
- A polished oak dance floor
- Neon apple-shaped signs
- A mechanical bull labelled “Executive Decision”
and a drinks menu featuring cocktails such as “The Executive Order,” “Fake News Fizz,” and “The Capitol Cooler.”
🍏 Saturday Night: Linedancing with the President
The real attraction, however, is the newly announced weekly event:
“Saturday Night Presidential Linedancing” — Hosted by Donald Trump
Eyewitnesses describe Trump enthusiastically demonstrating moves he refers to as:
- “The Big Win Shuffle”
- “The Tremendous Turn”
- “The Very Legal Slide”
“I’ve always said I’m one of the best dancers,” Trump reportedly told attendees. “People come up to me all the time — strong dancers, tough dancers — they say, ‘Sir, nobody linedances like you.’”
🚧 Planning Permission? “Details, Details…”
When questioned about the legality of the venue, a spokesperson responded:
“We prefer to think of this as pre-approved enthusiasm.”
Local planning officials confirmed that:
- No formal application has been submitted
- Noise complaints have already been filed
- Someone has attempted to register the ballroom as a “rural barn venue”
Despite this, bookings are reportedly full for the next three months.
🍻 Public Reaction
Reactions from visitors have been mixed:
- “I came for a tour and ended up doing the hokey-cokey with a senator.”
- “I’m not sure this is constitutional, but it’s definitely entertaining.”
- “The margarita was strong… possibly legally too strong.”
🕺 Future Expansion Plans
Rumours suggest Phase Two could include:
- A rooftop karaoke lounge called “The Oval Crooner”
- A souvenir shop selling “Make Dancing Great Again” boots
- A VIP section known only as “The Situation Room… But Louder”
At press time, the planning office had issued a formal notice requesting “clarification on literally everything,” while the dance floor remained fully booked for Saturday night.
