“I Used to Be Indecisive, But Now I’m Not So Sure”

It was a bright morning in Washington, D.C., and President Donald J. Trump sat in the Oval Office, staring at a stack of executive orders like a man trying to decide between a Big Mac and a Whopper.

“Mr. President,” an aide hesitantly spoke, “the new tariffs on Canadian maple syrup need your final approval.”

Trump leaned back in his chair, deep in thought. “Look, I love maple syrup. Great syrup, fantastic syrup. Some say it’s the best syrup, I don’t know. But should we tax it? Maybe. Maybe not. I used to be indecisive, but now—I’m not so sure.”

The aide sighed. “Well, sir, the Canadian Prime Minister—”

“Trudeau? Total lightweight. Nice hair, though. Not as nice as mine.”

“Sir, he says Canada will retaliate with tariffs on American bacon.”

Trump gasped. “Not the bacon!” He stared at the papers. “Okay, new plan. We hit them with a 10% syrup tax, but only on Tuesdays. And then we tell them we’ll remove it if they apologize for burning down the White House in 1812.”

“But sir, they didn’t actually—”

“Look,” Trump interrupted, “people are saying they did. Lots of people. Tremendous people. They know. Trust me.”

Just then, an advisor burst in. “Sir, we need your decision on tariffs for China.”

“China?” Trump blinked. “Love China. Fantastic walls over there. But their trade deals? DISASTER.”

“Well, sir, we’ve been applying tariffs, but now China’s retaliating, and your supporters are concerned about rising costs.”

Trump thought for a moment. “Okay, okay, here’s what we do. We double the tariffs… then remove them the next day. That way, China stays on its toes. It’s called the Art of the Deal.”

“Sir, that… doesn’t make any sense.”

“Exactly. That’s what keeps them guessing. I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.”

The aide rubbed his temples. “And what about the executive order to build the border wall?”

Trump waved a hand. “I say we build it, but make it see-through. That way, we stop the bad hombres, but they can still enjoy the beautiful view of America.”

“Sir, a see-through wall is just… a fence.”

Trump nodded. “Exactly. Now it’s a bipartisan solution. You see what I did there? Brilliant.”

As the aides exchanged exhausted glances, Trump stood up, grinning. “Look, folks, this is how leadership works. You make bold decisions, then undo them, then take credit for both. And if anyone complains—” He paused for dramatic effect—“we’ll just tariff their complaints at 25%.”

The room fell silent.

Trump nodded, satisfied. “Another successful day in the White House. Now, who wants to get some Trump Steaks?”