Trump Declares U.S. Bankruptcy—Nigeria Offers to Buy America for “Business Purposes”
Washington, D.C. – March 2025
In a shocking yet somehow unsurprising move, former President Donald Trump has announced his latest master plan: filing the U.S. government for bankruptcy.
Standing at a hastily assembled podium at Trump Tower Washington, Trump declared, “America is broke, folks. Totally broke. Worst bankruptcy in history. But don’t worry—I know bankruptcy better than anyone. Tremendous bankruptcies. I’ve done them before, very successful, very rich bankruptcies.”
As Americans across the country panicked, financial markets collapsed, and Elon Musk tweeted ‘Lmao’, an unexpected hero emerged from the chaos.
Nigeria Steps In: “We Will Buy America”
Within hours of Trump’s announcement, the Nigerian government issued a formal statement:
“We are prepared to buy America and absorb its assets into the Nigerian economy. In return, we request full diplomatic immunity for all current and future Nigerian business ventures.”
In simple terms: Nigeria wants to make its famous email scammers 100% legal under U.S. law.
The Terms of the Nigeria Buyout
According to leaked documents, Nigeria’s buyout of bankrupt America includes the following:
- All U.S. citizens must now refer to the President as “His Excellency, Supreme Overlord.”
- Social Security payments will now be handled via “wire transfer agents” based in Lagos.
- The Pentagon will be rebranded as “The Nigerian Department of Tactical Opportunity.”
- Congress will be dissolved and replaced with “The Scrote Party”, a new ruling party made up of “experienced Nigerian businessmen.”
- Every U.S. citizen must respond to at least one email per year from a Nigerian prince, just to keep things fair.
The New Nigerian-American Future
Experts predict a massive increase in email scams, but since these operations will now be 100% legal under the Scrote Party’s new government, Americans will have no choice but to pay up or risk being labeled as “uncooperative investors.”
- IRS tax audits will now be conducted via WhatsApp, with auditors demanding payments in Amazon gift cards.
- “The Statue of Liberty” will be rebranded as “The Queen Mother of Wealth Attraction”, and all visitors must bring a small down payment before taking selfies.
- The White House will be renamed “The Royal Investment Compound”, and citizens will be required to enter a raffle to receive their own government contracts.
Trump’s Reaction: “It’s the Greatest Deal in History”
Although the move has been widely criticized, Trump remains thrilled with his plan.
- “Nigeria is very rich, very powerful. Great oil. Great emails. We love them.”
- “I will personally be the richest man in Nigeria, which is tremendous.”
- “The Scrote Party is very strong. Much stronger than the Democrats, much better than the Republicans. We love the Scrotes.”
However, Trump was quick to remind everyone that even under the new Nigerian-American government, he will still be running for President in 2028.
“I will be Supreme Overlord for Life. Or at least until the next bankruptcy. We’ll see what happens.”
What Happens Next?
As Americans brace for life under Nigerian ownership, some experts are calling this “the most ambitious financial scam of all time.”
Others, however, are simply waiting for the inevitable email that begins with:
“Dear Esteemed Citizen, we are pleased to inform you that you have been randomly selected to receive a share of America’s new prosperity fund! Kindly send us your full banking details immediately!”
For now, one thing is certain: America has officially become the biggest scam in history.
