Andy Burnham Declares Wales a Separate Country Overnight – New Passport Includes Complimentary Sheep Photo
Melvyn Hughes from Pontypridd Appointed Prime Minister of Wales as VAT Slashed and “Sheep Discount Scheme” Announced
By Quentin Thrustbucket, Chief Welsh Affairs Correspondent
CARDIFF — Britain awoke this morning to discover that Prime Minister Andy Burnham had apparently decided that Wales should become “its own country.”
In a surprise announcement outside Number 10, Burnham unveiled plans for a brand-new Welsh border complete with passport control, customs officers and signs reading:
“Croeso i Gymru – Welcome to Wales. Please Declare Any Leeks.”
The biggest surprise, however, was the appointment of Melvyn Hughes from Pontypridd as the new Prime Minister of Wales.
Reporters immediately asked Burnham why he had chosen Mr Hughes.
Burnham smiled and replied:
“He’s Welsh, he drinks tea, knows every shortcut through the Valleys and once organised the best village fête anyone had ever seen.”
“What more qualifications could you possibly need?”
Within hours, work had reportedly begun on Wales’ newest international airport, to be built just off the coast near Tenby.
Government engineers admitted the runway would extend slightly into the sea but insisted:
“Pilots only need to get it right once.”
The airport’s official slogan has already been unveiled:
“If You Miss the Runway… You’re Going Swimming.”
The new Welsh Government wasted no time introducing its first Budget.
Prime Minister Hughes proudly announced:
“We’re cutting VAT to just 10%.”
The crowd erupted into applause.
He then revealed the flagship policy that nobody saw coming.
“Anyone who owns a pet sheep will receive a 10% discount on lamb at participating supermarkets.”
The room fell silent.
One journalist cautiously raised a hand.
“Isn’t that a little awkward?”
Hughes nodded thoughtfully.
“We’ve also thought about that.”
“Customers can choose to spend the discount on cheese instead.”
Supermarkets across Wales immediately began setting up special Sheep Loyalty Lanes.
To qualify, shoppers simply need to present:
- A valid Welsh passport.
- Proof of address.
- A recent photograph with their sheep.
- Confirmation that the sheep actually knows its own name.
- And a signed declaration that the sheep isn’t just borrowed for shopping day.
One delighted farmer from Carmarthenshire said:
“Mine’s called Trevor.”
“He’s been part of the family for years.”
Border officials are already preparing for heavy traffic.
Drivers entering Wales will reportedly be asked three routine questions:
- Are you carrying any dragons?
- Have you declared your Welsh cakes?
- Is that sheep travelling for business or pleasure?
Quentin Thrustbucket visited the proposed border crossing, where workers were busy installing a sign reading:
“Estimated Waiting Time: Depends If The Sheep Cooperates.”
Meanwhile, the Passport Office has unveiled the new Welsh passport.
Instead of a lion, the cover proudly features a smiling red dragon wearing a rugby jersey.
Inside, holders can choose between three official passport photographs:
- Serious face.
- Smiling face.
- Standing proudly beside their favourite sheep.
The third option is reportedly proving by far the most popular.
At the time of publication, airlines were already advertising the very first international route from the new Tenby International Airport.
Destination:
Cardiff.
Flight time:
Seven minutes.
Passengers are advised to arrive three hours early, just in case there is a flock of sheep crossing the runway or Melvyn Hughes decides to personally welcome every visitor with a cup of tea and a slice of bara brith.
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