Frank and Peggy Spencer’s Grandchildren Want to Take Over White House Ballroom

Family Plans Tuesday and Friday Line-Dancing Nights in Memory of Professional Dancing Grandparents

By Clown Balls, Chief Ballroom Correspondent

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House has received an extraordinary proposal from the grandchildren of British professional dancers Frank and Peggy Spencer, who want to take over the White House ballroom twice a week and turn it into what could become the most prestigious line-dancing club on Earth.

Frank and Peggy spent years teaching people to dance and ran their own dance centre in Penge, South London.

Now their grandchildren believe it is time to take the family business slightly further afield.

About 3,600 miles further afield.

Their proposed venue?

The White House.

Their proposal is refreshingly straightforward:

Tuesday: Line Dancing.

Friday: More Line Dancing.

And absolutely no political speeches once the music starts.

The ballroom would become:

THE FRANK & PEGGY SPENCER MEMORIAL DANCE CENTRE – WASHINGTON BRANCH

The grandchildren explained that their grandparents spent years teaching people how to move properly around a dance floor.

They therefore believe Washington is the obvious place to continue their work.

“There are hundreds of politicians in Washington who spend their entire careers moving from left to right.”

“They’re practically line dancers already.”

White House officials were initially cautious about allowing members of a British dancing family to take over the ballroom.

Then somebody explained that Frank and Peggy actually knew how to run a dance centre.

Officials immediately became interested.

“That’s considerably more experience than most people who apply for things around here,” admitted one fictional White House adviser.

The proposed Tuesday evening would be aimed at beginners.

At exactly 7pm, dancers would form several enormous lines before an instructor shouted:

“Two steps right!”

Republicans immediately complied.

Then came:

“Two steps left!”

Half the room refused.

Organisers realised politics would have to be banned from the dance floor.

Friday nights would be considerably livelier.

The Frank & Peggy Friday Night Hoedown would feature hundreds of dancers, live music, cowboy hats and a large photograph of Frank and Peggy overlooking proceedings.

Donald Trump would receive a permanent invitation and a reserved position in the front row.

During his first fictional lesson, Trump reportedly asked whether line dancing was competitive.

The instructor replied:

“Not normally.”

Trump answered:

“It is now.”

He then announced himself United States Line Dancing Champion before learning any of the steps.

His first attempt began reasonably well.

Everybody stepped forward.

Trump stepped forward.

Everybody stepped backwards.

Trump remained at the front.

Everybody turned left.

Trump waved to the audience.

The instructor eventually gave up and created an entirely new routine called:

The Trump Two-Step

It consists of stepping forward twice and never going backwards under any circumstances.

Secret Service agents also encountered an unexpected problem.

They’re trained to react whenever a large crowd suddenly moves in the same direction.

Unfortunately, that’s essentially the entire point of line dancing.

During rehearsals, an agent reportedly shouted:

“EVERYBODY’S MOVING RIGHT!”

His colleague calmly replied:

“Wait eight beats. They’ll come back.”

The grandchildren say the White House evenings would remain faithful to the welcoming atmosphere Frank and Peggy created through their dancing years in South London.

There would be beginners, experienced dancers and complete novices.

Even politicians would be welcome.

Although they may require additional lessons in following instructions.

Clown Balls asked why the family had chosen the White House rather than reopening somewhere closer to Penge.

One grandchild reportedly replied:

“We considered Penge.”

“But the White House ballroom had more parking.”

If approved, a plaque would be installed at the entrance:

FRANK & PEGGY SPENCER
Professional Dancers & Dance Teachers
From Penge to Pennsylvania Avenue
Keep Dancing.

And every Tuesday and Friday night, Washington politicians would temporarily stop arguing, form an orderly line and attempt something considerably more difficult:

All moving in the same direction at the same time.