Trump Announces Plan to Make the Strait of Hormuz America’s 51st State

President Reportedly Believes It Is a Beautiful Island Just South of Miami and Already Has Plans for Hotels, Golf Courses and a Costco

By Quentin Thrustbucket, Chief Geography Correspondent

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Donald Trump has unveiled what he describes as “possibly the greatest geographical idea in American history”: turning the Strait of Hormuz into the 51st state of the United States.

There is just one small complication.

The Strait of Hormuz isn’t an island.

It isn’t anywhere near Miami either.

It is actually a strategically vital waterway between Iran and Oman connecting the Persian Gulf with the Gulf of Oman.

According to The Daily Scrotum’s sources, however, Trump first became interested after an adviser showed him a map.

Trump stared at it for several seconds.

Then pointed confidently.

“That’s the island.”

An aide cautiously replied:

“Sir, that’s water.”

Trump looked again.

“Beautiful water.”

“Yes, sir.”

“American water.”

“Not actually, sir.”

Trump reportedly frowned.

“We’ll see.”

WELCOME TO THE GREAT STATE OF HORMUZ

Within hours, White House staff were instructed to prepare plans for America’s newest state.

Trump has apparently already selected its proposed capital:

NEW MIAMI

The proposed state motto is:

“Come for the Oil. Stay Because You Can’t Find Florida.”

Trump allegedly explained the geography during a press conference.

“Hormuz is a fantastic island just south of Miami.”

A reporter interrupted:

“Mr President, it’s approximately 7,000 miles from Miami.”

Trump nodded.

“That’s why nobody goes there for the weekend.”

The president then unveiled a giant map on which somebody had drawn a dotted line from Florida across the Atlantic, through North Africa and eventually towards the Persian Gulf.

At the bottom, Trump had apparently written:

MIAMI BEACH — KEEP GOING

THE 51ST STATE NEEDS A FLAG

Trump has already commissioned a new state flag.

The design reportedly includes:

• A palm tree.
• An oil tanker.
• A golf club.
• A cheeseburger.
• And 51 enormous stars, because Trump complained the existing stars were “far too small.”

The President has also proposed changing the name from the Strait of Hormuz to:

THE TRUMP STRAIT OF SOUTH MIAMI

Officials from the State Department have reportedly spent several hours staring silently through windows.

PROPERTY DEVELOPMENT BEGINS IMMEDIATELY

Trump’s enthusiasm increased dramatically when somebody explained that enormous quantities of global energy supplies normally pass through Hormuz.

Around 20 million barrels per day of crude oil and petroleum products passed through the strait in 2025, making it one of the world’s most important energy chokepoints.

Trump reportedly stopped the briefing.

“Twenty million barrels?”

“Approximately, sir.”

“Every day?”

“Yes.”

Trump immediately asked:

“Can we charge parking?”

A new proposal was produced within fifteen minutes.

Every tanker passing through the future State of Hormuz would receive:

Two hours free.

$25 for four hours.

$75 overnight.

Lost ticket: $4.7 million.

Florida residents would receive a 10% discount.

TRUMP HORMUZ INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT

There is another problem.

Because the strait is mostly water, America’s proposed 51st state currently has very little space for houses.

Trump has solved this.

“We’ll build on the water.”

Engineers asked how.

Trump replied:

“Very carefully.”

Plans now allegedly include Trump Hormuz International Airport, featuring the world’s first floating runway.

Pilots approaching the airport will receive the following instructions:

“If you see Iran, you’ve gone slightly too far.”

The airport will initially offer three routes:

Hormuz – Miami

Hormuz – Palm Beach

and

Hormuz – Mar-a-Lago, provided somebody can work out where to land.

THE FIRST HORMUZ GOLF RESORT

Naturally, America’s newest state will also require a golf course.

Trump has personally selected a location.

Unfortunately, it is in the middle of the shipping lane.

Maritime officials explained that oil tankers cannot reasonably be expected to navigate around the 14th green.

Trump allegedly responded:

“Then make it a par three.”

The clubhouse will include panoramic views of the Gulf, luxury accommodation and a special restaurant called:

THE STRAIT STEAK

Its signature dish will be the 51st State Burger, served with American fries and absolutely no geographical information whatsoever.

THE STATEHOOD CEREMONY

Trump reportedly wants the official ceremony held on what he continues to describe as “Hormuz Island.”

White House officials are currently struggling to explain that although there are islands in and around the Strait—including Hormuz Island—the strait itself is the waterway.

One adviser finally attempted to demonstrate using a glass of water.

“Sir, imagine this glass is the Strait of Hormuz.”

Trump nodded.

“And the sides of the glass are Iran and Oman.”

Trump stared at it.

Then took a drink.

The adviser sighed.

“We’ve just lost the 51st state.”

At the time of publication, Trump remained enthusiastic.

He reportedly ordered 10,000 road signs reading:

WELCOME TO HORMUZ

AMERICA’S 51ST STATE

MIAMI: 7,000 MILES

NEXT LEFT

The Department of Transportation has raised one final concern.

There aren’t any roads.

Trump has already solved that too.

“Build a bridge to Florida.”

Engineers have requested the rest of the week off.

The Daily Scrotum Disclaimer: This is political satire. The Strait of Hormuz is a real strategic waterway between Iran and Oman, not an island south of Miami. The statehood proposal, Trump quotations, New Miami, airport, golf resort, bridge and other events in this story are fictional.