World’s Border Officials Baffled As New US Passport Features Donald Trump Instead Of The Traveller
.
WASHINGTON – Global travel descended into complete chaos this week after the US government allegedly unveiled its revolutionary new passport design.
The biggest change?
Every single American passport now features a large photograph of Donald Trump on the front identification page instead of the actual passport holder.
Officials described the redesign as:
“A tremendous improvement. The best passport ever produced. Everybody looks much more presidential.”
The Department of Homeland Security proudly announced that replacing millions of individual photographs with just one picture would save “a fortune on cameras.”
Unfortunately, one tiny detail appears to have been overlooked.
No country in the world is currently accepting the new passports.
Border officials everywhere have reportedly reached exactly the same conclusion.
“The person standing in front of me does not appear to be the person in the passport.”
The first problems emerged at Heathrow Airport.
A grandmother from Ohio presented her new passport at passport control.
The officer looked at the document…
…looked at the traveller…
…looked back at the document…
…and politely asked:
“Madam… have you changed your hairstyle rather dramatically?”
Within hours, airports around the globe were reporting similar incidents.
In Paris, a 19-year-old backpacker was asked why he appeared to have transformed into a man in his late seventies.
In Tokyo, an eight-year-old child was questioned about how he had apparently aged overnight.
Meanwhile, a retired dentist from Florida spent three hours trying to convince customs officers that he wasn’t secretly Donald Trump wearing an elaborate disguise.
Officials remained unconvinced.
The White House attempted to calm fears.
A spokesperson explained:
“The passport is symbolic.”
Unfortunately, immigration officers tend to prefer photographs that are slightly less symbolic and slightly more accurate.
The crisis escalated when every automated passport gate simultaneously displayed the same message:
“FACE DOES NOT MATCH.”
One airport engineer admitted:
“The machines are trying their best, but they keep insisting everyone should have different hair.”
Airlines have also struggled to adapt.
Cabin crews now reportedly begin every flight with the announcement:
“Would the 243 Donald Trumps on board please remain seated until further notice.”
International diplomacy has become equally confusing.
The annual G7 summit was delayed after security believed all arriving US delegates were attempting to enter using the same passport.
One border officer sighed:
“We’ve processed eighteen Donald Trumps today, and somehow every one of them has been a different height.”
Travel agents are already offering special “Passport Explanation Holidays.”
The package includes:
- Two extra hours at immigration.
- A complimentary magnifying glass.
- A laminated card reading:
“No, that’s not me. That’s just the passport.” - Free stress-relief breathing exercises while waiting in the secondary inspection queue.
As publication went to press, rumours suggested the next version of the passport may feature a QR code that simply plays a recorded message saying:
“Trust me… it’s the right person.”
The Daily Scrotum understands that customs officers worldwide have politely replied:
“We’d still like to see an actual photograph of the traveller.”
Right good site this