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WASHINGTON – Political insiders were left stunned this week after Donald Trump allegedly unveiled a controversial new loyalty programme requiring senior government officials to receive giant tattoos celebrating what he described as:
“The greatest president ever. The best. Everybody says so. Even people who don’t say so.”
The announcement came during what Cabinet members believed would be a routine policy meeting.
Instead, Trump entered the room wearing a gold cape, accompanied by six tattoo artists, two banner carriers and a brass band playing “Hail To The Chief” at maximum volume.
Standing beside a giant presentation board, Trump revealed:
OPERATION INKCREDIBLE
The initiative allegedly requires all senior officials to display tattoos proclaiming:
DONALD TRUMP – BEST PRESIDENT EVER
Officials were offered three packages.
Bronze Package
A small back tattoo.
Silver Package
A full torso design featuring patriotic eagles.
Gold Package
A head-to-toe mural showing Trump riding a bald eagle while carrying the Constitution, the Statue of Liberty and a cheeseburger.
Most officials quietly selected the Bronze Package.
However, several senior figures reportedly decided to take matters much further.
House Speaker Mike Johnson, Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, Secretary of State Marco Rubio and Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent allegedly volunteered for the newly created:
PATRIOT PLUS PACKAGE
This premium option included larger and more visible artwork extending across the neck, ears and other highly noticeable areas.
Witnesses claim the four men quickly became locked in a fierce competition to determine who could display the greatest level of presidential appreciation.
One exhausted aide stated:
“At some point it stopped being politics and became a very strange tattoo-based sporting event.”
The rivalry intensified throughout the week.
Officials were reportedly spotted carrying measuring tapes and comparing designs during lunch breaks.
A special judging panel was later established to award points for:
- Visibility
- Creativity
- Shine
- Eagle Density
- Overall Enthusiasm
The winner would receive the prestigious title:
SUPREME CHAMPION OF PRESIDENTIAL APPRECIATION
As the competition escalated, one participant reportedly added gold glitter.
Another commissioned reflective ink visible from helicopters.
A third allegedly requested a tattoo incorporating solar-powered LED lights.
Yet the biggest surprise came when Trump himself unveiled what supporters immediately described as:
“The Masterpiece”
During a special White House press conference, Trump dramatically removed his cap to reveal a giant tattoo stretching across his forehead.
The tattoo simply read:
BEST PRESIDENT EVER
The lettering reportedly extended from eyebrow to eyebrow and was surrounded by decorative stars, miniature eagles and tiny gold crowns.
The room fell silent.
Several reporters assumed it was a temporary sticker.
One journalist nervously asked:
“Mr President, isn’t that rather permanent?”
Trump smiled proudly.
“I’ve been saying it for years. I simply got tired of repeating myself.”
According to White House insiders, Trump had originally requested a larger design reading:
“BEST PRESIDENT EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD AND POSSIBLY SEVERAL OTHER PLANETS”
but tattoo artists advised that additional space might be required.
Not content with the front design, Trump reportedly commissioned a second tattoo on the back of his head which reads:
IN CASE YOU MISSED THE FRONT
The reveal triggered absolute chaos among Cabinet members.
Within hours several officials upgraded their entries.
One allegedly added flashing lights.
Another requested lettering visible from low-flying aircraft.
Meanwhile, the White House gift shop launched an entire merchandise range based on the project.
Items included:
- Official Operation Inkcredible beach towels
- Presidential measuring tapes
- Emergency long-sleeved sweaters
- “I Survived The Tattoo Championships” mugs
- Replica forehead tattoo stickers
Tourists quickly embraced the craze.
By Friday, hundreds of visitors were wandering around Washington with “Best President Ever” stickers attached to their foreheads.
Several airline pilots reported confusion.
One pilot commented:
“For a moment I thought somebody had built a new runway.”
Financial experts estimate the programme has already cost billions, largely due to emergency purchases of tattoo ink, measuring equipment and ego-management consultants.
NASA was eventually asked whether the forehead tattoo could genuinely be seen from space.
The agency declined to issue an official statement.
However, one astronomer reportedly admitted:
“We did notice a large shiny object over Washington, but we assumed it was just another political event.”
As publication went to press, rumours suggested next week’s Cabinet meeting may include proposals for matching golf carts, commemorative garden sheds and a national holiday dedicated entirely to congratulating Trump.
The Daily Scrotum will continue monitoring developments, assuming our journalists are not required to receive matching tattoos before entering the briefing room.
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