Trump’s “No Taxes for Trump” Bill Accidentally Abolishes Taxes for Everyone

Congress Realises Tiny Wording Error Means Nobody in America Has to Pay Another Penny

By Quentin Thrustbucket, Chief Financial Correspondent

WASHINGTON, D.C. — America was plunged into glorious financial confusion yesterday after President Donald Trump unveiled what he called the “Trump Family Tax Freedom Act.”

The proposed law was intended to ensure that neither Donald Trump nor any member of his family would ever again have to pay taxes—past, present or future.

Speaking from the White House, Trump declared:

“I’ve paid enough taxes. Probably more than anybody. The greatest taxes. Tremendous taxes.”

“I think it’s only fair my family gets a little break.”

Unfortunately, according to congressional lawyers, somebody made one very small drafting error.

Instead of applying only to the Trump family…

…the legislation accidentally applied to every single American citizen.

Within minutes, millions of taxpayers cancelled their standing orders.

Accountants across the country simultaneously fainted.

The Internal Revenue Service reportedly held an emergency meeting lasting just four minutes.

The official minutes simply read:

“Well… that’s us finished then.”

Employees immediately began carrying cardboard boxes out of IRS headquarters.

One worker was seen removing the office coffee machine while another asked if anyone wanted a slightly-used calculator.

The Treasury Department estimated that federal income would fall to approximately…

Zero dollars.

Government agencies quickly realised they had a problem.

The Department of Transportation announced it could no longer afford road signs.

NASA admitted future space missions might have to be launched using “a really big catapult.”

Meanwhile, the Pentagon announced it would have to postpone purchasing anything larger than a paperclip.

The National Park Service introduced an honesty box.

The White House gift shop began selling souvenir mugs reading:

“I Survived the Great Tax Mix-Up.”

Quentin Thrustbucket spoke to one delighted American outside a shopping centre.

“What are you going to do with all the money you’re saving?”

The man replied:

“Probably spend it paying for roads, hospitals and schools myself.”

Economic experts stared blankly at television cameras.

Professor Penny Pincher explained:

“It’s an unusual economic strategy.”

“Normally governments collect taxes before spending money.”

“This appears to be attempting the exact opposite.”

Trump insisted the legislation remained “a fantastic bill.”

He told reporters:

“People keep saying there’s no money left.”

“Well, nobody’s ever proved that.”

Congress hurriedly attempted to rewrite the legislation.

Unfortunately, the corrections department had already gone home…

…because they realised they no longer had to pay taxes either.

At the time of publication, government departments across America had begun placing handwritten signs in their windows.

One simply read:

“Closed Until Somebody Finds the Missing Tax Money.”

Another added:

“Please bring your own government.”