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In a dramatic political development that absolutely nobody saw coming (apart from everyone), Donald Trump has reportedly been reclassified from “President Donald Trump” to “Manager Donald Trump” following what experts describe as “a performance review that got completely out of hand.”
The change came after a panel of confused officials examined several years of decision-making and concluded that Trump’s role more closely resembled that of a manager trying to run a seaside amusement arcade during a power cut.
One anonymous official explained:
“We looked at the job description and realised he spent most of his time holding rallies, arguing with people, posting messages and blaming everyone else. That’s classic middle-management behaviour.”
The White House has reportedly replaced the famous Oval Office desk with a folding table, a clipboard and a sign reading:
“MANAGER ON DUTY”
Trump has embraced his new role and immediately introduced several workplace initiatives.
These include:
- Employee of the Month awards (which he has won 14 months in a row).
- A mandatory “Tell Me How Great I Am” feedback form.
- Casual Friday every day.
- Replacing Cabinet meetings with karaoke sessions.
Staff members claim that Manager Trump now begins every morning by ringing a small brass bell and shouting:
“Team! We need more winning! Much more winning!”
Aides say he then spends three hours rearranging furniture and asking whether anybody has seen his favourite marker pen.
Meanwhile, world leaders have struggled to adapt.
The Prime Minister reportedly received an email signed:
Manager Donald Trump
Chief Supervisor of Everything Important
The email ended with:
“Please remember to complete your annual performance review by Friday.”
Financial markets reacted calmly, although several traders admitted they thought the announcement was a joke.
One Wall Street analyst commented:
“At this point we’re not entirely sure what is satire and what is reality.”
In a final twist, Manager Trump has announced plans to launch a new training programme called:
“Making America Work Overtime Again”
The course promises to teach leadership skills, motivational shouting and advanced finger-pointing techniques.
Applications have already exceeded expectations, although nobody has yet admitted submitting one.
The Daily Scrotum will continue to monitor the situation, assuming Manager Trump doesn’t move our newsroom to the staff break room first. 📰🤣
