Justice Department Issues Arrest Warrants for “All Toads,” Confirms Situation Has “Got Out of Hand”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what officials are calling “a deeply unfortunate autocorrect incident,” the Justice Department has reportedly issued arrest warrants for every toad currently working within the department.
The original instruction had been:
“Locate Todd immediately.”
What was processed instead was:
“Locate toads immediately.”
🐸 Rapid Escalation
Within minutes, internal systems began flagging:
- Amphibians
- Desk ornaments resembling amphibians
- One particularly convincing paperweight
An official confirmed:
“Once the system starts, it doesn’t question the species.”
🧾 Department in Disarray
Staff reported confusion as officers began asking:
“Is this one of yours?”
while pointing at anything vaguely green.
One employee stated:
“I brought a frog mug in three years ago. I’m now under review.”
🧠 The “Largest Toad” Issue
Things escalated further when a memo reportedly referenced:
“Identify the largest toad in the department.”
This led to:
- Several awkward silences
- One meeting being cancelled
- A general agreement that the wording “could have been better”
📊 Official Response
A spokesperson later clarified:
“We were looking for a person. We are no longer looking for amphibians.”
They added:
“The system has now been updated to distinguish between Todds and toads.”
🧢 Aftermath
All warrants have since been withdrawn, and no amphibians were harmed during the process.
However, one staff member admitted:
“We’re still not entirely sure about the paperweight.”
At press time, officials confirmed:
“Future communications will be reviewed… especially anything involving Todds.” 😄
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Top reaction: 🥜 Lost Their Marbles
