Doctors Discover Only One Known Cure for Trump Derangement Syndrome… Two Big Macs Twice a Day!

Exclusive by Quentin Thrustbucket, Chief Medical Correspondent

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Scientists have announced what they are calling the biggest medical breakthrough since somebody accidentally invented sliced bread.

After years of research, experts claim they have finally identified the only known treatment for the mysterious condition known as Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS).

The cure?

Eating two Big Macs for breakfast and another two for dinner every single day.

Researchers insist the treatment has produced “remarkable” results.

Professor Barry Bunion of the prestigious Institute of Completely Made-Up Medical Discoveries explained:

“Patients suffering from severe TDS become incapable of hearing the name ‘Trump’ without immediately shouting on social media.”

“Some have been known to type angry comments before the television has even been switched on.”

According to the new study, volunteers were divided into two groups.

The first group received traditional counselling.

The second group received four Big Macs a day.

After just three weeks, the counselling group showed little improvement.

The Big Mac group, however, became so busy chewing they simply stopped arguing altogether.

One participant admitted:

“I was preparing my 97th anti-Trump post of the day when I realised I’d forgotten to finish my fries.”

Medical staff described the moment as “a major breakthrough.”

Hospitals across America are now reportedly setting up specialist Trump Derangement Recovery Clinics, complete with golden arches outside every entrance.

Patients arriving are first asked a series of questions.

“When you hear the word Trump, what happens?”

One patient replied:

“I immediately write a 14-page Facebook post.”

Doctors nodded sympathetically before handing over two steaming Big Macs.

Thirty minutes later, the patient simply murmured:

“Actually… these are quite nice.”

The American Medical Association quickly denied having anything to do with the report.

“We have never heard of this research,” a spokesperson said.

“Frankly, we’d like whoever wrote it to stop using our car park.”

Meanwhile, shares in ketchup manufacturers reportedly soared after rumours spread that breakfast burgers could soon be available on prescription.

Political commentators were equally baffled.

One remarked:

“For years we’ve tried debates, documentaries, interviews and fact-checking.”

“Nobody thought to try extra pickles.”

Donald Trump himself was said to be delighted by the news.

According to sources close to the former President, he immediately announced:

“I’ve been telling people for years that Big Macs solve everything. Finally, science has caught up with me. It’s tremendous. The best cure. Everybody says so.”

At the time of publication, researchers were beginning trials into a second possible treatment involving milkshakes and large fries.

Early indications suggested the only reported side effect was an overwhelming desire to ask:

“Would you like fries with that opinion?”