Weekly Roundup
🗞️ 1. FRANCE Paris Introduces “Polite Queueing Trial,” Immediately Collapses PARIS — Officials in Paris have launched a…
ByHegseth Patel Drinking Challenge
Backstreet “Drunken Apple” Showdown Leads to Pentagon Reading, Two Days Later WASHINGTON, D.C. — A “quiet drink” on…
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Roundheads vs Cavaliers
Pope Introduces One-Question System to Classify Every Man as Roundhead or Cavalier VATICAN CITY — In what officials…
N.O.O.D.L.E.S
Trump Orders Nationwide Chow Mein Diet, Deploys “N.O.O.D.L.E.S” to Ensure Compliance WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move officials…
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Gerry Mandering
Gerry Mandering “Absolutely Sick of It” as Name Continues to Be Blamed for Everything SOMEWHERE BETWEEN TWO VERY…
ByPercyina
DoorDash Driver
Trump “Exploring New Opportunities” as DoorDash Driver Based Out of Mar-a-Lago PALM BEACH, FLORIDA — In what aides…
ByBon King
Pope Donald
Trump ‘Considering Becoming Pope Himself’ After Deciding Current One “Not Quite Right” VATICAN CITY — In a move…
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Songkran Thailand
Tourist “Just Going for a Quiet Walk” Accidentally Enters Songkran, Never Seen Dry Again BANGKOK, THAILAND — A…
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